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14 February 2012 @ 08:26 am
2012 confessional  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

The link to read most recent comments first: http://aroraborealis.livejournal.com/1005067.html?format=light&view=flat#comments


I'll be moderating comments, with special attention to deleting comments that seem pointlessly mean-spirited or that are obviously attempts to make up creepy or mean rumors about people.

One of the things I deeply value about the confessional is the opportunity to say hard things, but it's important to me that they be productive, so please refrain from mean comments without substance.

If there's a comment that seems primarily to be about character assassination, I also encourage everyone not to engage with it. Rise above it and don't feed the trolls! I will try to delete that sort of thing in a timely fashion, but of course I won't be watching the comments all day every day.

If there's any comment about YOU that you'd like me to remove, please email me so I can do so.

Remember that all those anonymous voices are people, some of whom you know and like, and all of whom are people like you.
 
 
 
Concreteconcrete on February 14th, 2012 01:40 pm (UTC)
"this user has disabled anonymous posting."
Blue Gargantuabluegargantua on February 14th, 2012 01:45 pm (UTC)

She's tricky like that.

later
Tom
(no subject) - regyt on February 14th, 2012 01:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - catya on February 14th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 14th, 2012 02:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
the expurgated version - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the expurgated version - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Loritheloriest on February 14th, 2012 01:50 pm (UTC)
An open admission
minerva42... she is beautiful, fun, a great kisser, and she is someone I will happily call my friend for as long as she lets me. :)
unintentional baitredheadedmuse on February 14th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
Re: An open admission
I just went to +1 this, and of course that's the wrong platform.

+ a lot, anyway. She's also a great neighbor.
Re: An open admission - jojotbird on February 14th, 2012 04:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 14th, 2012 09:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 14th, 2012 09:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 14th, 2012 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - beowabbit on February 15th, 2012 01:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 14th, 2012 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - perspicuity on February 19th, 2012 06:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 16th, 2012 03:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - drwex on February 16th, 2012 04:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - minerva42 on February 14th, 2012 09:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 11:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moria923 on February 15th, 2012 05:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Adventures - theloriest on February 15th, 2012 05:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: An open admission - theloriest on February 15th, 2012 04:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Mizarchivist: Heartmizarchivist on February 14th, 2012 01:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you to my tribe for being you. I feel loved and supported every day. I wouldn't have been able to get through the past year without you.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 03:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 11:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
lack of support - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
I've been in quite a few communities over the years - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
Beowabbitbeowabbit on February 14th, 2012 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks to my wonderful partner plumtreeblossom. I'm so sorry you're sick today, but I'm glad I can be here this morning and tonight to comfort you. And I hope you're all better soon!
plumtreeblossom: Me babyplumtreeblossom on February 14th, 2012 02:49 pm (UTC)
I guess I don't have to be anonymous to say you are the most wonderful partner in the whole world, and every minute of every day I am thankful to to have you in my heart and by my side. Love you forever in sickness and in health!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
Oh yes. - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2012 12:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:22 pm (UTC)
Anonymous commenting appears to be working now.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:32 pm (UTC)
I love meeting new people, and I wish it were easier to have the opportunity to meet AWESOME new people. I feel like my social circle makes it harder to do that than it should be.
Loritheloriest on February 14th, 2012 02:35 pm (UTC)
Agree
I've often felt the same way.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Meetup.com - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 03:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: meeting awesome people - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
circle makes it difficult to meet more awesome people? - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:35 pm (UTC)
I wish my friends spent less time being defensively snarky. You're bringing me down, man!
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:02 pm (UTC)
Right On!
Snarking is like being stumbling drunk: when doing it, one feels so very witty and clever, but to everyone else it's painful to watch.
Re: Right On! - rmd on February 14th, 2012 10:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Right On! - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 10:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:35 pm (UTC)
safer sex
I wish I didn't have to be responsible about safer sex practices. I just want to worry about if what they like to do/have done to them is the kind of things I like to have done to me/do. I've been good at being safe and I've stayed clean but I wish I didn't have to worry about this. I can't seem to make it exciting or at least don't let it get in the way of fun play. It just seems to break the mood for me. I know this isn't much of a confession but I'm hoping others have suggestions or comments on the subject they feel more comfortable saying here. Also, this is a fairly wide audience to ask advice from.


(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:46 pm (UTC)
Re: safer sex
OH HELL YES ME TOO.

I hate everything about safer sex. I hate the taste and feel of latex, I hate the way pausing to put on a condom or a glove breaks the flow of sex. I hate the clumsiness of dental dams so much I mostly don't bother.

And yet in the last year or so I've come to kind of fetishize it because I love the respect that comes from someone being careful and responsible about my body and theirs.

I struggle with this. I don't want to contribute to a culture that views sex as more dangerous than it really is, but I also do want to take care of my health and my lovers. I never know where the right balance between those things is; it feels like a constantly moving bar. What feels right to me intellectually is often different from what feels right to me on a gut level.

I guess I don't have much to offer as advice, just a wholehearted agreement that this stuff is complicated.
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - beowabbit on February 14th, 2012 10:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - misskitty_79 on February 14th, 2012 05:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 08:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - entrope on February 17th, 2012 02:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 03:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
oh, my - drwex on February 17th, 2012 03:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: oh, my - theloriest on February 17th, 2012 03:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 01:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_memory on February 17th, 2012 03:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - drwex on February 17th, 2012 03:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 08:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: safer sex - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 04:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 12:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ashrising_moon on February 14th, 2012 02:41 pm (UTC)
dreda is the hotness, and I am totally looking forward to our next date.

:D
evolution, and some other stuffjacflash on February 14th, 2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
That's not a "secret"! ;-)
(no subject) - rising_moon on February 14th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moominmolly on February 14th, 2012 04:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dreda on February 14th, 2012 04:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - swashbucklr on February 14th, 2012 07:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:46 pm (UTC)
I just realized yesterday that I might be diagnosably depressed. I'm still figuring out whether it is affecting me enough to make seeing someone about it worthwhile.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:53 pm (UTC)
It's probably worth it - it doesn't hurt and it might help, right? :-)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
My personal experience - drwex on February 14th, 2012 04:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Stigma - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 03:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Stigma - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 03:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dreams_of_wings on February 14th, 2012 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - blk on February 14th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _sabriel_ on February 16th, 2012 03:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
worthwhile - sweetmmeblue on February 14th, 2012 09:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 07:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:50 pm (UTC)
It's not that I couldn't love you, it's that I already do. And I have no idea what to do with that.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:56 pm (UTC)
I've reached the part of adult life where the majority of my close friends are deciding to have babies. I am happy for their choices, I am selfishly saddened because it means I'm losing friends to go out and do non-baby stuff. But the non-parents in my social groups are getting younger, and I'm not, and sometimes I feel awkward trying to hang out with them.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 02:58 pm (UTC)
This. This. A thousand times this.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2012 12:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
people having babies - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - buxom_bey on February 14th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - veek on February 14th, 2012 03:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ditto that. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Ditto that. - fanw on February 14th, 2012 05:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Ditto that. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Friends Becoming Parents - plumtreeblossom on February 14th, 2012 04:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - veek on February 14th, 2012 08:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moria923 on February 15th, 2012 05:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - veek on February 15th, 2012 05:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moria923 on February 17th, 2012 03:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goat on February 14th, 2012 06:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - twilighttremolo on February 15th, 2012 01:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - laurion on February 15th, 2012 09:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - klingonlandlady on February 23rd, 2012 09:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _sabriel_ on February 16th, 2012 04:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
Subjects are great!
To everyone: we love it when you use the subject field!

Yours, everyone tracking this by email or using the most-recent-first layout
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:11 pm (UTC)
Subjects are great. LJ no longer lets me give a comment a subject. How do you do it?
Use aroraborealis' layout - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Subject field in the flat layout - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:13 pm (UTC)
I used to be a very huggy person. I hugged everyone. It kind of occurred to me a couple years ago that some people might view hugging me as something of a social obligation, since everyone else seemed to be doing it. I also kind of grew a bit tired of the gauntlet of hugs that leaving an event seemed to require. I've pulled it back some and have edged toward quality of hugs and friendships over quantity. Nobody seems to mind (at least, nobody has mentioned the shift to me), and I feel a bit better about it.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:22 pm (UTC)
That is wonderful, thoughtful, and sweet. I hope I know you.
Hugs are a privilege not a right, dammit - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2012 11:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Hugs are a privilege not a right, dammit - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2012 04:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:16 pm (UTC)
Secret Crush?
No one has confessed a seekrit crush yet. I'll show you mine if you'll me yours.

I know it's wrong, but I'm totally smitten with my kid's teacher, who none of you know. She's kind and beautiful and patient, and wears these killer knee-high boots and funky dresses all the time. *swoon*

(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Secret Crush?
Oh, I bet I do know her. :-)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 04:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - theloriest on February 15th, 2012 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - theloriest on February 15th, 2012 04:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - theloriest on February 15th, 2012 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Secret Crush? - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Not on me - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Not on me - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 10:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:23 pm (UTC)
crushes
I have a secret crush on a (totally married and monogamous, and therefore totally off-limits) coworker. So far, it's a happy crush where seeing him day to day brings some extra sparkle to being at work but no angst. I hope it stays that way!
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:14 pm (UTC)
Re: crushes
I have a secret* crush on a (totally married and monogamous, and therefore totally off-limits) coworker. So far, it's a happy crush where seeing her day to day brings some extra sparkle to being at work but no angst. I think it will stay that way, but I hope their marriage opens up and it doesn't have to stay that way.

* Well, secret from coworkers. I did tell my date about it after she met my coworker.
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:26 pm (UTC)
I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months.
Those of you in long term and/or live in relationships:

How often do you have a sexytimes with your partner?

Are you happy with that?

I am trying to figure out what is normal.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:31 pm (UTC)
Usually between 2 and 3 times a week. I'm happy with that and sie seems to be as well.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rosefox on February 15th, 2012 06:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 11:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 12:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 12:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 02:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 04:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 07:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 06:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I have been dying to ask you guys this like for months. - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2012 02:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:26 pm (UTC)
Finding Anonymous
Okay, I just had to click, like, three things, just to find the "anonymous" option, so this is a test...
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:38 pm (UTC)
Now to start the other version of the baby thread...
I am also at the point where a tremendous number of people I know are having babies. It's awesome, and I honor both their choices and the choice of those who absolutely do not want babies. Everyone their own life, and joy in living it.

But I want a kid & it's seriously looking like I won't get to have one. [No suggestions, please. Known reasons.] Being around all the wee ones is hard, and I've pulled back from the world over the past few years because of it. There are other reasons, but this is one.

I'm not happy about this, I don't like that I'm doing it, and I can't find the motivation to change.

Saying it out loud here helps, and thanks. But also, when talking to friends of a certain age - please don't ask the baby question. Just don't. There's no good way to answer it, sometimes.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread...
Yes. Yes. I am with you here and it breaks my heart, sometimes. Being around kids is really hard, even though I really love kids...because this.
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 08:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 08:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 10:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 12:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Now to start the other version of the baby thread... - (Anonymous) on February 19th, 2012 01:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - muffyjo on February 15th, 2012 02:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
You are The Awesome - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2012 03:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - muffyjo on February 19th, 2012 04:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:44 pm (UTC)
Kleenex.
Please settle a disagreement between my partner and I.

Having a box of tissues on a night table is:

a) Sketchy/suggestive if you're a single guy (use is too obvious)
b) Sketchy/suggestive even if you're a couple (similar to above)
c) Totally completely normal -- everyone blows their nose sometimes!
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Kleenex.
Totally normal. We each have a box on our side of the bed.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Preparation - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 10:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Preparation - _sabriel_ on February 16th, 2012 04:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - theloriest on February 14th, 2012 04:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pseydtonne on February 14th, 2012 08:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - metahacker on February 15th, 2012 12:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - rmd on February 14th, 2012 05:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - misskitty_79 on February 14th, 2012 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 11:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 12:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - wispfox on February 15th, 2012 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - ratatosk on February 16th, 2012 05:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 06:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goat on February 16th, 2012 06:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ratatosk on February 16th, 2012 06:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 06:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ratatosk on February 16th, 2012 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ratatosk on February 16th, 2012 06:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 07:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 07:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 07:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2012 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - jbsegal on February 16th, 2012 08:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - rosefox on February 17th, 2012 08:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Kleenex. - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:44 pm (UTC)
Parenthood
I love my spouse, and I love my new child (more than I can express), but, I confess, I sometimes miss being single, and being responsable only for me.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC)
Re: Parenthood
I seriously miss spontaneity.
Re: Parenthood - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Parenthood - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 05:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 06:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:47 pm (UTC)
On children...
I have been thinking a TON about this issue lately, and one really really big question in my mind is if I would ever regret the choice. I imagine the enormity of regretting the choice to have a child as being completely horrifying and crushing and soul-sucking.

In this anonymous forum, will anyone cop to regretting having a kid? What does that feel like? Does it impact your parenting or can you just blow through it and shrug your shoulders and make the best of the situation?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:52 pm (UTC)
This is my exact fear. Our current life is so fantastic, we're both scared to death that a kid will change it in ways that we regret (note - we know a kid will completely change it, we're just worried about the direction of that change)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - blk on February 14th, 2012 05:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - redheadedmuse on February 14th, 2012 05:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - _sabriel_ on February 16th, 2012 04:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - entrope on February 16th, 2012 05:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 12:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 05:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 05:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 06:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 06:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: On children... - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thespian on February 15th, 2012 05:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 02:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 05:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 05:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: severe disability - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 04:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC)
Words and actions that hurt
I feel like we as a society, as well a community, have gone a bit overboard in our reaction to things other people say. For some reason, we have it in our minds that we should just be able to float through the world and not have to experience hurt, pain, or anger. We try to manage this by controlling what other people do and say rather than controlling our own responses to them.

I am not saying that racism, sexism, and prejudice regarding gender- or sexual-orientation should be tolerated, but I am saying that there is value in callousing your skin. There needs to be some middle ground between intolerance for hate and feeling a sense of entitlement to a world where you never have to suffer.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Words and actions that hurt
This all day.
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 05:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 09:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Words and actions that hurt - cos on February 15th, 2012 05:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 03:59 pm (UTC)
be careful what you wish for
This time last year, I was bemoaning my single loneliness in a basement covered in bitumacious earth.

This winter, I fell in love harder than I've fallen in years. Maybe ever. And after years of wanting a serious relationship, I'm suddenly scared as all hell to be this intense this fast with someone I barely know. We've been long-distance-dating for less than two months and we've already told each other our feelings on babies and marriage. We've done things with and in front of each other that we've never done with anybody else. We write or talk every day. We've already survived some serious relationship shit.

I'm so fucking terrified. I had forgotten how scary intimacy is and how hard it is to have part of your happiness dependent on another person. Making this relationship work is going to be triple hard. We don't live anywhere near each other, we're at totally different places in our lives, we're totally different ages. But I've never known anyone who seemed to fit me so deep down. I want this so badly and I'm so afraid of what I'm going to have to sacrifice to get it.

Tell me it's worth it.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:04 pm (UTC)
Re: be careful what you wish for
Don't sacrifice too much for a LDR where you're in NRE. This kind of love is a drug and it's got a hell of a kick.

If it's right, time will tell.

Wait for the second kind of love. The one that's content and quiet and sure.
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 02:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 03:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 07:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: be careful what you wish for - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC)
Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others.
I love my partner, and we are very committed and happy and have lots of fun together. It's the best relationship I've ever had, and I sometimes can't believe I'm this lucky.

At the same time, I have this constant low level voice in my head that tells me that my partner has no reason to stay with me and love me, and that someday, he will figure that out.

It's so scary, and I think it has absolutely zero to do with him.

I don't tell him I ever think this, because I think he'd be appalled at the notion, and because I don't want to put this on him. I feel like I just have to own it and bear it, because I know it's not based in reality.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others.
Are you sure you can't tell your partner at least once? Even to say, I know this isn't based in reality, but I wanted to share with you the stuff that goes through my head from time to time? Sometimes sharing a secret can defang it a little.
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 04:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2012 08:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - moria923 on February 17th, 2012 04:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Book author - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 01:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Wish I could just pick out my favorite brain voices and eject the others. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2012 04:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)