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13 February 2014 @ 10:28 am
Confessional 2014  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules at this post.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

ETA: I'll be turning IP logging back on Monday 2/24 around 2pm EST.
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:38 pm (UTC)
I only know how to expose myself online
It's much easier for me to share intimate elements of myself from a distance. I think this detracts from my relationships, but I find it brutally hard to talk about my insecurities and fears face to face.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:46 pm (UTC)
Re: I only know how to expose myself online
When people find it easy to talk about their insecurities, I fond myself suspecting that that means they haven't drilled down far enough yet.
Re: I only know how to expose myself online - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I only know how to expose myself online - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:42 pm (UTC)
I am always amazed at the sheer breadth and volume of stuff, professional and personal, that so many people in this community manage to fit into their lives. At the moment I'm specifically thinking of larksdream but there are a whole bunch of folks who always seem to have a lot of plates spinning, but somehow manage to keep them all going.

Although I don't think I have the temperament to be able to keep my life that packed, I still feel like an unaccomplished lump next to all you wonderful people.

(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:59 pm (UTC)
breadth of life
sometimes I feel like an unaccomplished lump next to myself!
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2014 10:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 12:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 02:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 03:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: breadth of life - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 02:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 19th, 2014 02:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:44 pm (UTC)
I love my personal scent, and I wish I could trust my friends to tell me if it was overwhelming or bad. And that I could trust myself to take it lightly if they did.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:48 pm (UTC)
You too, huh?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 04:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:54 pm (UTC)
When a woman says something is triggery, people generaly respect that.

When a man says something is triggery, people often ignore it, make jokes about it, or actively try to trigger him.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:57 pm (UTC)
I haven't noticed that, but it makes sense -- people have a hard time letting men have vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Thanks for pointing it out so I can try to notice that urge in myself and hopefully not act on it.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ouch! - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2014 02:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 03:57 pm (UTC)
Right now I have an amazing life with a lot of wonderful people who love me.

Past scars mean I have a very hard time appreciating this. I'm grateful, it's all very nice, but at some level I feel like I'm barely participating.

The others involved seem okay with this, but I think we all deserve better.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:01 pm (UTC)
Are you working on it? How? How's it going?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:09 pm (UTC)
My experiences
About 20 years ago I had a housemate who was out and proud as pagan. I guess this is why someone in the apartment complex decided that we were satanists and in this person's mind this was a huge issue. When telling anyone they could that we were satanists didn't get enough traction they switched tack and said that we were child molesters. Even contacting police and giving my description and address.

So it is hard for me to hear people saying that people accused of sexual assault should be named and essentially shunned before any due process and "there's no need to worry about false accusations since they're basically non-existent". Some people are more nuanced but many are not. I want to not take that personally but can't. I deplore sexual assault and any culture that is even remotely permissive to it. But watching my friends so willingly vilify someone based on an allegation scares me and has made me to lose support for causes that I know are good.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:16 pm (UTC)
Re: My experiences
It's when someone names who they're accusing, that the rest of us find out whether lots of other people have had similar experiences with the same person or not. naming someone, and describing specifically what they did, is not vilifying, it's informing. as for "should be shunned", I have not seen that happen to anyone based just on one accusation without due process, I have only seen it happen when lots of other people add stories about what that same person did to them. were you shunned and vilified by any community based on this accusation? Did the accuser describe specifically what they observed or experienced you doing? (in other words, make up a story in which they claimed to be a direct witness)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 02:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - aroraborealis on February 15th, 2014 02:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 02:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 03:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - aroraborealis on February 15th, 2014 03:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - aroraborealis on February 15th, 2014 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 03:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - aroraborealis on February 15th, 2014 04:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 07:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My experiences - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:11 pm (UTC)
livejournal and crush turnover
with each passing year, a smaller percentage of my crushes have lj accounts. I wish more of them were here. And more of everyone else I know.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:13 pm (UTC)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover
I wish more of the people I know were here too. I miss their thinky thoughts and being able to read them. I like hearing their thinky thoughts in person too, but it's a different experience.
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 03:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: livejournal and crush turnover - jss1113 on February 13th, 2014 08:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:19 pm (UTC)
In the past year my SO and I have both done a lot of dating. Frankly, the vast majority of that has sucked for us as individuals and for our relationship with each other. The moments of joy have been, in my opinion, far outweighed by stress, anxiety, and no small amount of heartbreak.
Neither of us is seeing anybody right now.
I think we both miss the flirtatious energy that can come from those other relationships. I think we are both fairly committed to poly as an idea, in the long run. And I dearly dearly hope it is a long time before either of us try stepping into any other romantic/sexual relationships outside the one we are in.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:21 pm (UTC)
OP here--to forestall one inevitable question: yes, we've had explicit conversations about this.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:31 pm (UTC)
My wife is beginning to realize how beautiful and amazing she is, and her growing self-confidence radiates from her. I am proud of myself for giving her nourishment and space to grow, and of being a part of her life while she is finding herself.

I'm also feeling a little left-behind. And selfish for feeling left-behind.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:06 pm (UTC)
Is there a way in which you can work on leveling up in your own life? Make a career move, hit the gym more, something?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 03:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:32 pm (UTC)
there are days where i just feel like walking away and disappearing
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:00 pm (UTC)
Me too
I fantasize about rebooting my life, or getting amnesia and lost and building a new life...
I know that means I should change the life I have, but it is HARD. Hard to hurt someone who doesn't deserve it...and it won't magically make me regain the lost years...
I hate spending so much time looking at pluses and minuses and weighing my life.
Re: Me too - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Me three - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 04:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:34 pm (UTC)
joy
The work that we are doing together is good for us. It is helping us grow. We are stronger and better because of it, and I love you more and more every day.

Hang in there, beloved.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:05 pm (UTC)
Re: joy
We are - I love you so!
Elfyelfy on February 13th, 2014 04:34 pm (UTC)
Not a secret: I'm looking for more LJ friends :)

Me: roleplayer by heart, feminist, bi, poly, likes porn/kink/bdsm, designer, german, slash, atheist, science lover, my heart can be won with a massage, always wearing two different socks, graphic novels, super hero movies, geocaching, 50.000 photos in one year is not a big problem, messy, thinking always and too much, always way to busy, still think i get never anything done, always questioning, mostly myself.

Edited at 2014-02-13 04:40 pm (UTC)
Ninja Monkey (aka. Noah)wanderyng1 on February 13th, 2014 06:03 pm (UTC)
I'm not on LJ much these days, but we seem to have similar pursuits on the geeky side (roleplaying, graphic novels, super hero movies, etc.) and I have been trying to visit LJ a bit more. I'm always up for making new friends who dig the same things I do.
ditto - taura_g on February 13th, 2014 06:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Feel free to friend me - drwex on February 13th, 2014 06:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vizsludraugas on February 13th, 2014 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - beowabbit on February 19th, 2014 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:43 pm (UTC)
i think if i would do as i would really like, i would have a very different life, including another partner.

but i don't really know what i want.
and anyway, i fear change.
and ... ah, damn.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:02 pm (UTC)
+1
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 06:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lance Brown on February 13th, 2014 04:45 pm (UTC)
My love
As time goes on, I find myself falling ever deeper in love with my wife. I get a little jolt of happiness every time our thoughts go down the same paths during a discussion, or we find ourselves moving in the same direction without consciously choosing to do so. She's my best friend and I can't imagine life without her in it.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:51 pm (UTC)
Re: My love
I know this feeling. And after a couple of decades it still hasn't stopped. I wish you many more years of this.
Re: My love - Lance Brown on February 13th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My love - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
imagining life without them - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: imagining life without them - Lance Brown on February 13th, 2014 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My love - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My love - Lance Brown on February 13th, 2014 10:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My love - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 01:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:51 pm (UTC)
Rememberances of Confessionals Past
How to pluralize "octopus": http://www.darwineatscake.com/~darwin6/?id=113

Burritodes!
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:11 pm (UTC)
Re: Rememberances of Confessionals Past
2 years later, and the burritodes are still going strong!
Re: Rememberances of Confessionals Past - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:51 pm (UTC)
unsent letters
What letter or email would you write to someone if you knew how to contact them, but you don't know so you can't send it?
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:59 pm (UTC)
Re: unsent letters
"Our relationship meant a lot to me, made a huge impact on me, and influenced (for the better!) how I think about relationships even now. Even though I was fifteen. Even though you jerked me around a whole lot. Even though I was scared a lot. Even though I felt out-of-control. Even though you were so fucked up in so many ways. I hope you are doing OK and that you are happy."
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 10:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 03:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: unsent letters - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 04:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:52 pm (UTC)
rising_moon - like the bright sun coming up every morning, and like the kiss of the moon every evening.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:20 pm (UTC)
And as a friend, she is the bright star that keeps guiding me to my best self. ::love::
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 04:56 pm (UTC)
Things are good
This year there is a great deal of joy. I have so much good in my life, and for the first time, less fear of it going away if I talk about it. I am ecstatic to have arrived at this time in my life to feel this way and have the ability to appreciate it.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Things are good
I am in a similar situation, but with a different fear. I worry that I talk too much about how rough the past was. I'm worried that I will be perceived as a complainer who can't get over their past. I love where I am in life, but I'm tiring of comparisons of then and now that regularly pop into my head.
Molotov Coqtiz: parnueestiplika on February 13th, 2014 05:04 pm (UTC)
prrr prrr
Returning softly, cautiously to the world after the raw griefy isolation of the last 10 months, I feel like a skittish alleycat on the back porch of vulnerability.

Welcoming verbal pettings here (and snuggles IRL).
ruthless compassion: pouncearoraborealis on February 13th, 2014 05:12 pm (UTC)
Re: prrr prrr
I'm very glad you're on your way back from that difficult journey, changed but still yourself. Imagine I'm putting out some delicious tuna for the alleycat of your soul, and ready with scritches and love whenever they are appealing.
Re: prrr prrr - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - ghislaine on February 13th, 2014 06:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - amber_phoenix on February 13th, 2014 08:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - contessagrrl on February 13th, 2014 08:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 09:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - zombie_dog on February 13th, 2014 10:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 02:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 04:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: prrr prrr - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2014 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:11 pm (UTC)
I need this year to be better than the last one. In 2013, so much harm came to the people I love. I'm feeling disconnected from my community and pessimistic that people can truly know one another. I need people to be gentle with me in 2014. I need to connect with new friends and re-connect with old ones. I am at a loss for how to make that happen.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:16 pm (UTC)
I'm a fan of doing things together as a low pressure way to build/rebuild a relationship. Sometimes, getting together for a drink or a meal puts too much pressure on the conversation as the thing that's happening. Taking a walk together, or making something together (food, objects, whatever), running errands together, or some other shared activity can be Just Right.
So true - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 09:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:14 pm (UTC)
tired of polyamory
I think that I am tired of being polyamorous and would like to give monogamy a go. It seems like a good time for it--most of my partners have sort of wandered off in other directions leaving me with one person focused mainly on me. But I don't know how they'd feel about monogamy with me.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:24 pm (UTC)
Re: tired of polyamory
Could you try monogamy yourself, without needing your partner to be monogamous too, and with the option of going back to polyamory yourself if you felt done with monogamy like you feel tired of polyamory now?
Re: tired of polyamory - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: tired of polyamory - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: tired of polyamory - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 02:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: tired of polyamory - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: tired of polyamory - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 09:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:19 pm (UTC)
I have seen some truly atrocious behavior in the last year, on the part of people I had previously been happy to be in a large community with. It's disappointing and infuriating, and though I don't plan to call anyone out by name, I wish there were a way to do so such that they could see clearly how badly they've treated people around them.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC)
Maybe talk about the behavior without having to call the person out specifically? It might be good food for thought for everyone.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 05:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 07:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 10:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ninja Monkey (aka. Noah): Buddha-Fuwanderyng1 on February 13th, 2014 05:58 pm (UTC)
oceanic is lovely and wonderful, and each year I fall just a little bit deeper in love with her. This is probably not much of a confession to those who know me, but I like saying it in public spaces :)
Terryrintrahroars on February 14th, 2014 08:08 pm (UTC)
This makes me smile! You two are beautiful. Well, you THREE!
(no subject) - muffyjo on February 17th, 2014 10:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:07 pm (UTC)
My life is so, so much better since I got on Zoloft.

I'm not freaked out at the idea of taking a pill every day so that I can, like, go outside and not want to die, but it does really bother me that I'm going to have to keep getting these pills *prescribed*. I don't like having to ask anyone's permission to not be rocking in terror every time I buy milk.
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:18 pm (UTC)
My life is so, so much better since I got on a different medication. Unlike Zoloft, mine is scheduled.

I hated that, for the same reasons you mention (and for an additional one: Some docs are reluctant to prescribe the medication I need.)

So I found out how to buy it illegally -- and did. Just once, so that I knew I could, and so that I'd have a backup supply in case of emergency. It was a liberating experience. I recommend it.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2014 06:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Zoloft - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2014 02:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:16 pm (UTC)
I have friends, and lovers; I have a good life, my needs met and some of my wants too.

But I wish that there were someone in my life who inspired me to live up to them. Someone who made me be a better person, out of value for their respect.

(Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 06:39 pm (UTC)
Yes.
I would very much like someone to share my life with.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 13th, 2014 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2014 02:59 am (UTC) (Expand)