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14 February 2017 @ 11:42 am
Confessional 2017  
Back by popular demand! Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-so-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Share your best self-care for the political climate! Do it anonymously or with your name attached*; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Here's the link to the flat (chronological, unthreaded) version of comments.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

*I encourage you to default to anonymous comments unless there's special value in being identified with your comment.
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 04:51 pm (UTC)
Eeeeeee!
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 04:51 pm (UTC)
[chirp]
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:47 pm (UTC)
burble!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 04:58 pm (UTC)
I miss contessagrrl.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:01 pm (UTC)
contessagrrl
Boy howdy
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 12:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 01:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2017 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:06 pm (UTC)
I am basically getting through this hard time with sex and avoiding the news. I worry it makes me a callous jerk, but I promise to stand up for the republic, I just, sometimes, have to lie down and put my head in the sand to get through the day.

It's really good sex, and it's giving me the energy to love all my people and go to protests.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 01:51 am (UTC)
I'm doing the same thing. Seeking pleasure and love to keep yourself going in the face of hate and oppression is not callous, it is wise. And nothing in the world is not made better by there being more really good sex.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:13 pm (UTC)
Stress dreams
I've been having almost nothing but stress dreams since the inauguration. They feature any number of things -- trying to travel and experiencing problem after problem, needing a bathroom desperately and being unable to find one, sick pets/family members...

It's exhausting and is more likely to make me fear sleep than straight-up nightmares. I've seriously had zombie dreams that are less exhausting than this.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Stress dreams
*sympathies*
Re: Stress dreams - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Stress dreams - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Stress release dream - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 02:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:30 pm (UTC)
entrope!
My crush on entrope continues. It is deep and abiding, and full of glee and glitter.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:52 pm (UTC)
Re: entrope!
OMG yes. For years now.
Re: entrope! - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2017 06:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: entrope! - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2017 12:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:43 pm (UTC)
aatish
aatish is madly delicious.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:46 pm (UTC)
Re: aatish
Agreed. And warm and funny. 10/10. Would continue to crush on.
RE: Re: aatish - aatish on February 17th, 2017 03:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
RE: Re: aatish - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 12:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
RE: aatish - aatish on February 17th, 2017 03:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:53 pm (UTC)
Maybe?
You’re an amazing and wonderful person, and you’ve brought me boundless warmth and wit and joy. We both hoped so hard that the bond we shared would survive long enough for everything else to settle down, and we both must have hurt when it didn’t.

I love my life, and I’m happy today, and I hope you’re happy, too. But I haven’t convinced myself to excise the last of what we had from my heart: it still feels like a part of who I am, or want to be. You’ll always be awesome, and I care about you.

So when things finally get a little easier, if you ever happen to feel the same way, give me a call, okay?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 05:58 pm (UTC)
Hmmm...
I feel as though I might be ready to end a stretch of self-imposed celibacy, but I'm not sure I'm ready for casual sex nor for a relationship.

Yeah. Not sure what to do about this stuff at all, really. But feeling like I might be ready to do something feels like a grand, positive step in my head.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Hmmm...
I've been thinking about TRYING a stretch of self imposed celibacy. How has yours been for you?
Re: Hmmm... - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2017 02:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:41 pm (UTC)
Help with bum.
Thank you arora! I've been waiting ages to ask this question anonymously.

Anal play. For the love of god help me.

I feel like no matter how much I scrub or shower or whatever, it is totally impossible to have a reliably clean butt. By clean, I mean, I just want to rest confidently in the knowledge that when something goes into my butt, there will be no poo on it when it comes out of my butt. I swear I am a clean, hygienic, non-smelly human who washes myself regularly and assiduously... I just have no idea how to do this kind of play in a way that doesn't terrify me I will gross out my partner in some terminal way.

1) Do other people have this problem, or is it my own weird physical issues about my body's processing of poo?

2) How much does small bits of non-cleanliness on toys or fingers freak YOU out? Is it the grossest thing in the world, or just the cost of doing business and not in fact a big deal?

3) Is there some fix I don't know about for this?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Help with bum.
A bit of poop is an expected and natural element with anal play, unfortunately. I find it pretty gross, but I like butt play enough to put up with it, and keep wet wipes handy for easy clean up.
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2017 06:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 04:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2017 09:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 18th, 2017 01:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help with bum. - (Anonymous) on March 1st, 2017 07:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 06:56 pm (UTC)
Pronoun fails advice
I am complete and utter awfulness at remembering to use the correct pronoun for nonbinary friends. I'm good at apologizing and correcting myself when it's pointed out to me, and not performing overdramatic apology and making it all about me and all. But I'm lousy at ever consistently remembering to use the pronoun in the first place.

If I'm honest, it is that my brain does not understand how to slot a person into nonbinary. Usually the person looks like a male or female to me, and that's the way my brain reads it. That's my fault, and I own it, but I don't know how to make it better. I feel like the absolute best I can do is to be super conscious of every word in front of these friends, and to try really hard to avoid using pronouns in general.

I'm afraid this won't ever get easier to do, and worried it will impact friendships.

Does anyone else have trouble with this? Does it get better? Is there like a trick or something to help my brain be more useful?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:01 pm (UTC)
Re: Pronoun fails advice
I've found the more folks I know who are using them, the more my brain has found it easier to do so. In other words: practice.
(I've also found that I'm less likely to gender random hypothetical people, or people who I don't know -- my brain is now often using "they" in those cases when conversing with a third party. Which I think is a great side effect!)

I don't think you're a terrible person, and I hope your brain finds more plasticity with practice.
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 11:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 11:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2017 09:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 19th, 2017 01:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 19th, 2017 02:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Pronoun fails advice - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2017 02:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:13 pm (UTC)
Because I have been curious about this forever
As a penis-haver who was circumcised as a baby, can any uncircumcised people describe what it is like? Or even better, anyone who was cut as an adult and has a basis for comparison?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever
I have been circumcised as an adult after having lots of sex. It is not significantly different. My sensitivity did not change noticeably at all. It did not get better nor worse. And I still love being blown just as much.
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 08:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 07:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 08:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Because I have been curious about this forever - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 11:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 07:45 pm (UTC)
Getting older, and crushes
I sort of expected that, as I got older, I would spend less time crushing on people, either resigning myself to not being seen That Way by them, or by managing to make an appropriate connection via Using My Words.
Or maybe just I'd get more zen about the fact that you can't have everything (or even perhaps most things) you want and that to want almost everything that comes near you is in itself a problem.

Mostly none of this has happened, and as I rapidly barrel on to 50, it's more bothersome than I'd like.

So yeah, I still have a lot of crushes, that I'd really love to be acting on, without much (usually any) evidence that it's reciprocal.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Getting older, and crushes
I never really thought about how crushes would be when I got older. I always had them, and enjoyed them, and I figured that would continue.

But it's been literally YEARS since I had a crush, and I miss it like crazy.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 19th, 2017 06:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:12 pm (UTC)
Politeness paralysis
I have absolutely no idea how a man is supposed to express interest in a woman without being awful. (So... I don't. Unless we've already been friends a while for some other reason: that's worked out beautifully.)

I've always felt gross about guys who pepper women with unsolicited advances all the time: it's already a near-constant deluge, so why would I add to that? And I'd feel dishonest trying to strike up a "purely friendly" conversation with sexual attraction as an ulterior motive. There have been multiple people in my life whom I'd have been happy to say "yes" to if they'd asked me on a date, but whom I never saw a way of asking myself. Any advice?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Politeness paralysis
Are we talking random people or acquaintances, here?
Re: Politeness paralysis - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Politeness paralysis - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Politeness paralysis - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 09:42 pm (UTC)
I have a big, tingly crush on toporopi. Maybe I'll work up the nerve to tell her someday!
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 04:48 am (UTC)
Me too... She is gorgeous and smart and creative and interesting!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 06:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 01:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:11 pm (UTC)
Ok, I want more people here. How do we get that?
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:18 pm (UTC)
Post links? But I don't know if I wanna.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 16th, 2017 02:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2017 02:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 22nd, 2017 02:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2017 03:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 22nd, 2017 04:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2017 04:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2017 03:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:51 pm (UTC)
national existential crisis
I think our country is tipping into something like a socio-cultural civil war, and I don't see how it can be prevented or resolved. It feels like the inevitable follow-up to the actual Civil War, as if the last century and a half was an incredibly protracted Weimar Republic of the nation's soul.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 09:11 pm (UTC)
Re: national existential crisis
I have nothing to add to this, but I want you to know you aren't alone.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 01:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 06:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: national existential crisis - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 02:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: national existential crisis - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 10:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: national existential crisis - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2017 05:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: national existential crisis - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 02:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 10:54 pm (UTC)
I think I might like small penises better, actually.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:07 am (UTC)
Me too!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 11:02 pm (UTC)
feederism
I get off on feederism, and feel really ambivalent about doing so. On the one hand, my kink is okay blah blah blah, on the other, I'm not sure it's ethical when it can be harmful to a person's health. Not to mention the issue of making people fatter, when there are people starving.
(Anonymous) on February 14th, 2017 11:46 pm (UTC)
The ethical concerns about making someone unhealthy seem legit to me, but that last point about making someone fatter in a world where people are starving is a form of concern trolling And represents bad boundaries in your part. Acting out or not acting out your kink has zero impact on world hunger.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 12:06 am (UTC)
question for you all!
inspired by a line in a sitcom i just saw. how common is it in your experience for your first sign of attraction to someone else to be a physical reaction in your genitals?

i feel like this is a big staple of jokes-- people unexpectedly getting erections or getting wet-- but it's not really my experience at all. i might blush or get butterflies in my stomach when talking with someone i have a crush on; if they're very physically attractive i might lose my breath or be stunned for a moment the first time i see them; but even if my reaction to them is strongly physical and sexual-- i don't want to talk about philosophy with them, i just want to jump their bones-- i'm not likely to get hard unless i'm actually talking about sex with them right then.

what about you?
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 01:29 am (UTC)
Re: question for you all!
Ditto.
Re: question for you all! - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 01:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 07:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: question for you all! - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2017 02:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 01:09 am (UTC)
No V-Day for Me!
The woman I sometimes go out with and I have a standing agreement to ignore the February 14 festivities. It's a great stress reducer.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 01:30 am (UTC)
Re: No V-Day for Me!
Hooray! I also abstain from the holiday. It has been a great reliever of stress over the years between myself and my other partners. Only once was someone I was seeing sad upon hearing that I generally didn't care to make anything of the occasion, and we worked it out in other ways.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 01:56 am (UTC)
You don't even have to make a move. Sometimes all it takes is for you to stop moving. My whole body just opens up for you, and I'm wet just thinking about what you might do to me next.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:50 am (UTC)
I love watching this happen on your face.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 02:28 am (UTC)
instructions
I hope you found your keys to my place, because you'll need them for this.

When you come over, let yourself in. I'll be in the living room or kitchen, doing evening chores, but don't say hello. Go right upstairs to my bedroom.

You'll find your cuffs, the blindfold, and some other items laid out on the bed. Put anything you would not like to be hit with or fucked with back in the drawer. Leave the rest out.

Then get undressed, put a cuff on one wrist, slip on the blindfold, and lie down.

I'll be up when I'm ready.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:13 am (UTC)
HELlo!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 04:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2017 01:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: instructions - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 12:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: instructions - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 10:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: instructions - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2017 04:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: instructions - (Anonymous) on February 17th, 2017 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:38 am (UTC)
Sometimes I'm Juvenile
Kinda sad I didn't manage to make post #69.

Also, I assert that pie is rad.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 03:58 am (UTC)
Re: Sometimes I'm Juvenile
Pie is so rad. They should make a holiday in its honor.
(Anonymous) on February 15th, 2017 04:42 am (UTC)
not exactly a crush, but...
I adore crs and danamae. They just both give me warm fuzzies.
(Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 12:34 am (UTC)
Re: not exactly a crush, but...
They are awesome. I saw them last night, and on the way home was thinking how I wish we could be more like them. Closer with them would also be nice.
Re: not exactly a crush, but... - (Anonymous) on February 16th, 2017 01:42 am (UTC) (Expand)