?

Log in

 
 
24 March 2011 @ 01:24 pm
money and being a grown up  
I'm always happier for (day-to-day) money matters between friends to be very hand-wavey -- I pay more this week, and you pay more next week, and it all comes out in the wash over months or years of friendship, so that we can come together and share food and experiences without making money be a hurdle or a test or a competition.

So, it's not surprising that one of my favorite things about being a grown up is going out to dinner with a group of friends and instead of, at the end of the meal, everyone scrimping down to the last penny and figuring the measliest tip they feel they can get away with, a general sense of generosity, both in terms of what "my share" was for each person, and a real understanding that the tip is part of the meal, and that servers are people who work for a living, too, and etc, etc.

I really like it that instead of getting to the end of the meal and everyone's pitched in and the person counting has to say, "Hey, guys, we're a few dollars short ...", now that person says, "Gosh, we sure are leaving a huge tip." And no one has to point to Joe over there and be like, "Dude, you ordered way more than everyone else and you didn't include a reasonable tip in what you put in," or whatever.

What's a little thing that you like about being a grown up?
 
 
I'm feeling: chipperchipper
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
Mizarchivist: Elmomizarchivist on March 24th, 2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
I don't have to pack my lunch. (edit: but I usually do)

I like your grown up thing, too, although if everyone but me is drinking (like right now)-- and their drinks costs as much or more than their share of the food, then I might request dispensation on that point.

Right now I'm not loving being an adult, though.

Edited at 2011-03-24 08:40 pm (UTC)
ruthless compassion: martini handsaroraborealis on March 24th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
I like your grown up thing, too, although if everyone but me is drinking (like right now)-- and their drinks costs as much or more than their share of the food, then I might request dispensation on that point.

I actually don't mean that everyone always pays the same amount, but that basically everyone takes responsibility for making sure they pay their share or more, rather than just barely scrimping enough in or hoping to save a couple of bucks by splitting the bill evenly when they ordered more than others.
born from jets!!!catness on March 25th, 2011 06:21 pm (UTC)
I wish all the adults I knew did this, but unfortunately, most of them are also MUSICIANS. Arggggh. I had Diner Drama not 12 hours ago because of that.
jordanwillow: jesus fishjordanwillow on March 24th, 2011 08:48 pm (UTC)
NOT HAVING TO GO TO CHURCH.
Scheherazade is my patron saint.: nun w/ rulera_kosmos on March 25th, 2011 05:15 am (UTC)
I like that one, too.
Yagayagagriswold on March 24th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
Not having to put up with my mom's temper.
born from jets!!!: bridgecatness on March 25th, 2011 06:33 pm (UTC)
My mother was very abusive, controlling, and outright terrifying when I was a child. I remember one vacation when I was visiting her, I was lying on the bed in the guest room, reading a book. She came storming into the guest room, insanely furious in that way that made my inner child cower and whimper. She blocked my exit from the room, as she had always done when I was young, and camped there threateningly, waiting for me to Stop Reading And Start Being Afraid. While my pulse raced and the sweat broke out, I stared down at my book, and I repeated this to myself over and over: "I'm an adult. I'm on vacation. I paid for my ticket to get here. I can read if I want to. I'm not in trouble. I didn't do anything. I'm not responsible for this household or whatever made her mad. I don't have to respond to this." I kept saying things like that to myself, while pretending to read, and turning pages every now and then as though I was thoroughly engrossed. Eventually my mother realized I wasn't going to freak out or try to escape, and she backed out of my doorway and left. That was probably one of the most hardcore "I'm an adult" lessons I've ever learned.

Edited at 2011-03-25 06:34 pm (UTC)
tickles, the angry lemurclara_girl on March 24th, 2011 09:11 pm (UTC)
hey, i like that little thing too! (especially since i've waited tables).

... and i make about as much money as i did just after college (circus will do that). so it says a lot, that we still eat well, still (infrequently) go out to dinner, and when we do, leave a nice tip :) as much as anything else, that's being a grownup. :) yay!
T Streichsweetbaboo on March 24th, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC)
Are you still in California? Because that definitely sounds like a California-leaning experience.

Man, I miss California. Still, it's up to me when I can visit. And that's pretty cool.
ruthless compassion: cheersaroraborealis on March 24th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
I am still in California, but this isn't a California lesson; I've been appreciating it for at least a couple of years, all over the place!
T Streichsweetbaboo on March 24th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
I notice that it happens more in California, is all I'm saying.
harimad on March 26th, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
Matter of fact I'm in California now, and let my friend pay for lunch (my family and his) pretty much because of this post. I told him about it, too.
porpurina: Eat me - papayabloodstones on March 24th, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC)
I like this, and I also like it when I don't need to point out to the table that since I frequently eat vegetarian and don't drink much that my food cost half what theirs did. I also love it when someone just picks up the check and when I can do the same, though being all grad-student-y that doesn't happen often.
porpurina: reading is sexybloodstones on March 24th, 2011 09:29 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, and getting to decide how to spend my money; deciding to buy plane tickets and just go somewhere because I want to; deciding that, dammit, I'm going to buy both sexy little black dresses.
ruthless compassion: happyaroraborealis on March 24th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah, I love the "picking up the bill" thing, on either side!
harimad on March 24th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
Being able to spot and destroy arguments based on logical fallacies. I still remember the first, from a parent. It boiled down to "You should do as I say because this is a little thing" combined with, shortly thereafter "You should do as I say because this is a big important thing."
Chancemiss_chance on March 24th, 2011 10:29 pm (UTC)
One thing I like about being a grown-up is related to an earlier post of yours: I link being a grown-up with learning to be kind to myself and cut myself slack. As an angry 20-something the world was full of black and white. If x was good, then y was HORRIBLE AWFUL EVIL, and I would be a BAD PERSON if I did y and I was only a good person if I kept doing x all the time, and hung out with other people who felt the same way about x and y.

Part of growing up for me and being around grown ups is having a more nuanced sense of what's okay and what's not and having a wider range of people in my life because I'm not judging people I meet against all sorts of weird arbitrary standards before accepting them, and I'm not assuming that they are arbitrarily judging me on first meeting either. And if they are, well, that's okay for them! :)
Kcatkcatalyst on March 24th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
I've probably told you this one before, but... one of my early realizations as an adult was that I could buy root beer and keep it in my fridge. Then after a while I realized that root beer is just not awesome every time, it's only super awesome when it's a special occasion. Both these realizations are my favorite parts of being a grown-up: having the autonomy and the resources[1] to get what I want, plus the relaxing about the desires that results from that.

[1] Noting of course that having control of material resources has been part of my adult experience, but not everyone's.
metagnatmetagnat on March 24th, 2011 10:51 pm (UTC)
I like having defensible privacy (as opposed to havin the possibility of my privacy invaded at any moment by well-meaning parent-figures), though I do wish I got more of it, time-wise.

I like not having to justify my projects and plans to people.

I like being able to eat, sleep and bathe whenever I want, even in the middle of the night or the middle of the day.

I like getting to choose the broad strokes of my life, even if there are details beyond my control.
Keys and locks, roots and branchesomnia_mutantur on March 24th, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
Having intentional furniture. I freaking love my dining room table, and that's okay, but I'm also okay with getting dinged.
whynotkaywhynotkay on March 24th, 2011 11:45 pm (UTC)
Deciding I want to do something and just doing it, without asking anyone's permission (this isn't just part of being "grown up", it's also part of (mostly) being single).

DancingWolfGrrldancingwolfgrrl on March 25th, 2011 12:08 am (UTC)
I totally love that thing, and specifically the implication that five or ten bucks is an amount of money easily subsumed by the generosity of friendship.

I also love that thing where small children bring uncooperative objects to me and are all "fix this!" in the secure assumption that my adulthood has given me the superpowers to do so.
Elizabeth Hunterlillibet on March 25th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
I like my life being the result of my own choices and decisions, for the most part--not feeling like I'm living out the consequences of other people's decisions.
Renata Piper: stjarnilyonesse on March 25th, 2011 01:55 am (UTC)
i love that too. i also love being able to pick up the entire check myself sometimes :)

i love being able to HAVE A PONY. actually i had ponies when i was a kid too, but this is something that i now can choose. but a lot of people who were jealous of me having a pony when i was young still haven't gone out and gotten themselves a pony now that we're all grown up. i do not understand these people. (ETA but i do let them ride my pony!)

the other things i like are being able to entirely choose my own curfew or lack thereof, and travelling on my very own passport.

Edited at 2011-03-25 01:56 am (UTC)
David Policardpolicar on March 25th, 2011 02:40 am (UTC)
Choosing my friends.
Scheherazade is my patron saint.: not together but getting therea_kosmos on March 25th, 2011 05:18 am (UTC)
I like not hearing "You'll appreciate [or understand or will change your mind] X when you're older.
harimad on March 26th, 2011 09:44 pm (UTC)
I used to hear this re having children, even when I was an adult.
Scheherazade is my patron saint.: abtinencea_kosmos on March 28th, 2011 04:16 am (UTC)
I used to get that, too, although not recently. I never thought of myself as being someone's mother.
unintentional baitredheadedmuse on March 25th, 2011 03:07 pm (UTC)
on the money front of being a grown-up, I really love the feeling of having paid my bills each month. It's like solving a puzzle or acing a test: I put all the pieces together and then *poof* the bills are paid and I get the emotional equivalent of a shiny gold star.

I also, in terms of money and friends, LOVE that for the past year or so I am finally in a position to pay forward a little bit of the kindness and generosity I've received over the years. Not that I'm swimming in cash, but I can pay all my bills and sometimes take a friend out for dinner or pitch in towards someone's project, and I really love the chance to do that.
born from jets!!!catness on March 25th, 2011 06:40 pm (UTC)
One of the things that I like as an adult is not having to live according to some bizarre Young People or Midwestern People or Unthinking Heterosexual People code of sexual morality.

Honestly, I don't need to be coy about wanting to have sex if I want it. I don't have to have sex if I *don't* want it. I'm not a slut if I am willing to touch genitals the first time we express mutual interest in each other. I can be honest about what I like and ask you what you like and be straightforward about where I'm at with respect to sex and you and me and today.

These are things that were all fucked up in my head, in my youth, and I'm really glad I don't have to deal with it internally anymore (although I still sometimes encounter it externally, which kinda sucks).