ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

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what makes a good friend?

I like to think that I'm a pretty good friend. Obviously, I'm not perfect, but friendship is important to me, and in particular, I really like showing up in helpful ways when a friend is going through a rough time. I mean, obviously I ALSO love it when I get to have fun and frolic with my friends also, but that's not where push comes to shove. That said, I do feel like there's always more I could be doing in a lot of ways, so there's plenty of room for improvement and growth, which I'm more or less constantly aware of. But there are plenty of ways that I am able to show up already, and I'm grateful for them, if certainly not for the circumstance that makes showing up necessary!

But one of the things that SUPER confuses me is when I'm doing something that I think of as a baseline level of friendship -- so obviously part of what I do for a friend that it didn't even involve a decision -- and someone says to me, "Wow, you're such a good friend to do that!"


REALLY? What the heck does friendship mean to YOU, person-who-is-gobsmacked?? Is it all grabbing lunch and chatting? Isn't it normal to take food over to a friend's house when they're sick? Or to pick up something for them at the store to make their crazy day easier? Aren't these the very basis of close friendship?

Yes, I am a good friend, at least sometimes, but that thing is not a good example of why.
Tags: friends, introspection, life

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