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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:07 pm (UTC)
fraterrisus
fraterrisus = totally crush-worthy, but even more awesome to get to know as a friend.

Still... adorable! and mrow.

Captcha is "less is more". Well-played.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:18 pm (UTC)
Re: fraterrisus
Highly, highly, highly recommended, as a friend and as a lover.
Yes, I'm biased.
Re: fraterrisus - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: fraterrisus - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: fraterrisus - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 11:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: fraterrisus - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: fraterrisus - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 05:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:13 pm (UTC)
What is a (romantic) relationship for?
I know the things I find myself craving when I think of a relationship. (I am not currently in one). What I don't know is whether the things I crave are reasonable or usual or whether they would constitute using someone. This is part of the reason I'm not in one.

I'm not really looking for abstracted advice as much as I'm looking for: what sorts of activities and supports do you have in your relationship? Which were negotiated? Which do you take for granted? Which do you consider above and beyond the call?
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:24 pm (UTC)
Re: What is a (romantic) relationship for?
Talking: Reassurance, conversation, affirmation, intellectual engagement.
Touching: Snuggling, sex, hugs, mutual grooming.
Doing: Dividing up labor like housework and finances, encouraging each others goals, keeping house together, sharing parenting tasks.

I don't have all of those in any one relationship I have had now or ever in the past, but that's the high points of my list.

Captcha: "Thick and thin".
Re: What is a (romantic) relationship for? - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: What is a (romantic) relationship for? - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 01:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: What is a (romantic) relationship for? - (Anonymous) on March 2nd, 2015 01:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:17 pm (UTC)
Beloved one - in the midst of so very much, hither and yon, run and run, whirl and stop, you are my center and my still light. This time, every time.

I love you so. Thank you for being home.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:11 am (UTC)
This won't be anonymous, but I want to say this again and again and again and I can, but my beloved is dead and not being heard when I say it hurts every day.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC)
Always alone
I'm an attractive (so I believe, and so I have been told) cis-woman just heading into my mid-30s. But I feel like I've finally hit the point in my life where I suspect I will be alone for the rest of my life. I've got a lot of activities that bring me joy, and I've done things and continue to do things that many people envy me for. I don't NEED a relationship to feel like my life has purpose. I don't want kids and I'm not necessarily seeking marriage/cohabitation. But damn. It'd just be really nice to have someone to turn to on a more solid basis when I need a hug at the end of a hard day. Someone to talk to when I need to talk to someone.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:26 pm (UTC)
Re: Always alone
I'm a cis woman in my late 30s and I feel much the same. Part of me wishes there was a stronger tradition of building family out of friends. I wouldn't mind getting emotional/logistical support from a good friend, but in my experience saying 'my friends are my family' is nice, but it only applies so far.
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 08:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Always alone - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 06:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:28 pm (UTC)
first date duds
I'm a het cis-woman who's been on a lot of first dates, and I've come to be pretty depressed about the number of men I've ruled out on the simple rule of: No nookie or second date for anyone who doesn't ask me a single thing about myself.

And I'm actually pretty pissed off about it.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:29 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
That seems like a really low bar for the dates. I'd be pissed, too, that no one was stepping over.
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 08:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: first date duds - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 08:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:36 pm (UTC)
Crush abatement
I find an effective cure for crushes is usually to get to know the person better - it washes out the idealization of them in my head and often nets me a good friend.

I have a crush where that doesn't seem to be happening. I wonder if I should try harder on strategy a or move on to a different strategy. What would strategy b be?
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Crush abatement
Perhaps enjoying the crush, and maybe even seeing if it's mutual, rather than abating it, might be a good Strategy B?
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:59 pm (UTC)
Weight
My life (the part I can control, at least) would be pretty damn close to perfect if I could just lose 50 pounds.

(It's actually causing health issues, it's not just a societal aesthetic thing.)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Weight
Mine too, but probably just 20 or so. I just really can't sustain the amount of constant vigilance that would take.

Here's a thing I hate about getting older: weight is taking a toll on my joints and ligaments in a way that does not line up wiht my politics.
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - aroraborealis on February 21st, 2015 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Weight - (Anonymous) on March 2nd, 2015 02:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:10 pm (UTC)
Needs
I have a long-term partner I love very much. Sadly, passion and sex have dropped off, and it's hard to predict if it's recoverable or not. I recently added another lover (with permission) to meet my needs and the sex is crazy amazing. I don't want to tell this person that sie is my sole supply because that's not fair, but it's hard not to want to shag hir all the time. I'm thinking about adding yet another person because I really have needs, but I'm not sure how to manage it. I want to be honest but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Needs
Are you worried that your desires are going to overwhelm your new partner? Would there be a problem with shagging all the time for a while, or with adding another new partner? It's not unreasonable to look for a FWB relationship... or craigslist...
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 05:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 04:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Needs - (Anonymous) on March 2nd, 2015 02:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:36 pm (UTC)
I like big butts and I cannot lie
It's hard to know the right words to use, because it's such a touchy subject for some, but I really find myself more and more attracted to larger, curvier women. Especially when the women in question are very confident and comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality. It's one of a few different traits that I find attractive, but it's certainly prevalent in my dating history.

I'm never sure how to talk about it, both because folks are conditioned to find that kind of attraction embarrassing and because many people have issues with their weight or appearance. Mostly, I'd just tell someone how beautiful they look and how good they feel and leave it at that. But sometimes I wish I could say how much their curves are kickin'. Or that they make my rockin' world go round.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:39 pm (UTC)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie
God, this here. Underline and bold-face.
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
GOOD JOB AT BEING YOU - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 01:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 06:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I like big butts and I cannot lie - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:43 pm (UTC)
sex wish
I wish I could tell my best friend that I just want to fuck and get all the sexual tension out of our systems.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:09 pm (UTC)
Re: sex wish
Why can't you? What would happen?
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 02:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex wish - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:57 pm (UTC)
I adore having sex with my friends, but it's kind of hard for me to get my motor started with them, unless we're on drugs together. I don't love using drugs this way, mainly because it feels like I shouldn't have to, and I never have any regrets in the morning, but I wish I could "get it up" without them.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:03 pm (UTC)
What's different about the experience with drugs versus without? Is there some amount of intentionality or reduced inhibition that let's you stop getting in your own way? How can you create that without using substances?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 08:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 08:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ex-expatriate Pirateswashbucklr on February 20th, 2015 08:02 pm (UTC)
The Mind-killer
I regularly repeat the litany against fear to myself to deal with social anxiety and work/school stress. And it works.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Frank Herbert, Dune
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC)
Re: The Mind-killer
Suddenly I understand a thing: Years ago, I saw a nerdbro wearing a "Beer is the mind-killer" shirt with a bunch of other words that I didn't manage to read before he was gone.
Re: The Mind-killer - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: The Mind-killer - nomadmwe on February 23rd, 2015 02:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: The Mind-killer - swashbucklr on February 23rd, 2015 02:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: The Mind-killer - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:02 pm (UTC)
Panic and delusion
I post a lot of reasoned, compassionate, productive, "hang in there" go-forward and what's-the-point-of-sulking kind of stuff, and I present a lot of that personality in the real world, the helpfulness and the flexibility and the why-dwell sort of business. And I do a pretty decent job of owning my emotions and asking for what I need and all that.

Except when I don't. Except when I fall apart. I get migraines, I get panic attacks, and I am so ashamed to be so helpless about them.

And I recently had a panic attack in public that was SO BAD. I couldn't speak, and collating my experience with a witness suggests I was actually . . . not completely engaged with consensual reality, which is fucking scary as hell. My friends seem to still want to be around me, but I'm just so terrified. It's too easy to imagine it happening, again. And again. And again.

(And fuck this winter. My god, what a horror show.)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:59 pm (UTC)
Re: Panic and delusion
whoof, I could have written every word of this.
Re: Panic and delusion - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Panic and delusion - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Panic and delusion - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Panic and delusion - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Panic and delusion - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:18 pm (UTC)
crushes
I wish I was crush-worthy. Every year I see people I know getting crushed on, and I know I'm at least as attractive as them. I hate being so shy.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:05 am (UTC)
Re: crushes
Same, though I know in the back of my head I shouldn't expect this crowd to have crushes on me.
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 11:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: crushes - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 02:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:51 pm (UTC)
The other day someone posted an entry to secret "does anyone out there have any experience with $DSMENTRY?" I offered to chat with them about it, and they responded that they just couldn't bring themselves to talk to people, and I felt for them. I know that reaction, it's a hard thing to talk about, it's a thing that is wildly misrepresented in media and life.

I hope they find someone(s) that they can talk to.

Is it wrong that I feel a little disappointed, though? It would've been nice to talk to someone Like Me™ for a bit.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:10 am (UTC)
It's not wrong to be disappointed. Everyone has their own needs, yours would be to commiserate and talk to someone who gets it, theirs are to hold off for a bit more.