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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:53 pm (UTC)
There's this person whom I dated for a while, and we're no longer together for various reasons, but sometimes I miss the wonderful sex we used to have. I may have an opportunity to hook up with the person in question in the not-too-distant future. I have to ask them whether they'd be interested, but I'm afraid the suggestion of nsa sex (after a history of a more involved relationship) would somehow hurt their feelings.

If you were the other person in this situation, would you want me to ask?
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:56 pm (UTC)
Asking always beats not asking. I might not say yes, but I'll always be glad for being asked.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 08:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
asking for post-relationship sex - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 11:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 05:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 05:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kimberlogic on February 24th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 09:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 08:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 08:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 08:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 10:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 01:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:14 pm (UTC)
I have a huge crush on a guy and I recently learned that it's mutual. But his wife isn't poly and doesn't feel comfortable sharing him -- and while he has potential to be poly, he really doesn't understand it yet (i.e. veracity and generosity). I'm not in a position to teach him, since I recently came out to his wife as poly -- I don't want to make her jealous, not even if there's nothing to be jealous of. At this point, I just want to be able to *talk* with him. Someone said earlier that the way to dispel a crush is to learn more about the person -- I would like to do that! But I have no way to contact him that won't potentially arouse suspicion.

Clearly I need to "just" drop this. But it's hard to not think thoughts about someone I've been thinking about all the time. Especially since our social lives are intertwined, so I do see him (them both) frequently. And there's chemistry. Sigh.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:20 pm (UTC)
If you like his wife, one way to contact him and get to know him better without arousing harmful suspicion is to invite them both to do some social activities together with you.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 04:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 07:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 01:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 04:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:20 pm (UTC)
Oreos
Lemon Oreos are the best Oreos.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Oreos
WHAAAAAAT?
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oreos - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:44 pm (UTC)
I've been looking forward to the confessional, because it's the only place I can think to say: I love my partner deeply, and zie's the most important person in my life other than my spouse. Everything in the way zie treats me and allocates hir emotional energy and time shows that this love and attachment is reciprocated.

But zie'll never say so, and I find that really hard.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 09:49 pm (UTC)
Zie'll never say what, that you're really important?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 10:16 pm (UTC)
okcupid exclusions and bonuses
Inspired by others, I've largely stopped writing to men on okcupid who don't list some women creators in their favorite books/music/movies section. Recently I found I had to add a caveat to that: if the only woman listed is Ayn Rand, it doesn't count.

What do you look for in someone's profile? What do you definitively NOT want to see?
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:59 am (UTC)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses
I categorically refuse to respond to or message anyone who has the ages they are interested in set to a decade or more younger than they are and only a year or two older.
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: okcupid exclusions and bonuses - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 02:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 11:06 pm (UTC)
WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS??
I know several awesome single women, but NO SINGLE MEN WHO ARE AWESOME. Who are the great single guys I should know??
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:10 am (UTC)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS??
does single-poly count for the kind of single you mean?
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - macthud on February 24th, 2015 05:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 02:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: WHO ARE THE AWESOME SINGLE GUYS?? - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 11:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 11:56 pm (UTC)
I recently got to fuck someone I've been wanting to fuck for years. This is the best feeling!
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:09 am (UTC)
ME TOO. So fucking hot.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:12 am (UTC)
I have this one friend I want to take a sex road trip with. No relationship, that would be a bad idea. But to go somewhere, explore something, and fuck all weekend? Yes please.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:30 am (UTC)
I have more than one friend I wanna do that with.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
SEX ROAD TRIP! - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: SEX ROAD TRIP! - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
SEX ROAD TRIP! - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: SEX ROAD TRIP! - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 05:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: SEX ROAD TRIP! - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 02:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 08:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIGHT TO SLEEP WITH YOU - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 12:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 12:53 am (UTC)
describe someone you love
Ohai confessional!

I did this two years ago and enjoyed the results, so let's do it again.

Invitation to all of you: Describe someone you love, to convey to us what they're like and what you see in them, without naming or identifying them? So we don't know whether or not it's someone we know.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 07:53 pm (UTC)
Re: describe someone you love
She thinks people only like her because she's beautiful. And she is beautiful--but that's not why I love her.

I love her anger. I love her brain. I love when she rages at the world and laughs at her own dumb jokes and spends hours trying to figure out the mechanical details of things most people don't even know exist. I love her obscurities and her sharp edges. I love her inflexibility. I love most of the things about her that she hates about herself, and I love all of the things about her that she loves about herself.

She's late for everything. She doesn't want to date anyone right now. And sometimes I say to her, "I love you," and she says, "I love you," and I know that we both mean "as a friend" but that's enough.

It's all okay, babe. I'm happy just to sit next to you and feel the power of your rage.
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 05:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 08:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 04:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 06:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: describe someone you love - (Anonymous) on March 4th, 2015 06:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:57 am (UTC)
logos and eros?
Every time we get deep into a conversation, I find myself wanting to meet your lips with mine, to mingle strings of words with strings of kisses. To taste your mouth, your neck...to hold you close (and more...so much more).

But I'm so unsure of whether that's a good idea, given my past, given your present. I don't know. I fear it's only a matter of time before I do something stupid and break our growing friendship.

On the other hand, if I took a risk, maybe we could both gain something really phenomenal.

If only I knew what was in your mind.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:05 am (UTC)
worried about my partner
I am so worried about my partner. We've been together for a really long time, and in all the years I have known him, I have never seen him stressed like this. I don't think he even realizes how deeply it is affecting every facet of how he relates to the world.

He has always been mellow and even tempered, with infinite patience. Now everything seems to run him out of cope. He gets cranky about people's driving all the time; he gets cranky with our kids. Both of these are things if you had asked me about a couple of years ago I would have said he essentially never did. (The cranky with the kids is far far more important, but they are both rather glaring examples of what almost feels like a personality change.) He is starting to get more and more defensive all the time too, which I don't think I had *ever* seen him do in all the years I knew him until recently.

He also can get kind of hyper focused and OCD about things, which was always minor enough it didn't interfere with his judgement or functioning, and now sometimes it really kind of does.

The other element here is I am going through a really hard stressful time myself, and he is being wonderful about being utterly supportive. I wonder though if knowing I am having a hard time (and the kids need him, and he is the one able bodied adult in the house, and he is the one earning decent money, and he is the person who has the skills and physical strength to fix things around the house, etc. etc. etc.) is making it really hard for him to feel he can ask for the support he needs (or even *know* he needs support).

And, yes, I have talked to him a little about this, but writing this is highlighting for me I need to talk to him more. Probably a lot more. He did say recently that it is really hard for him to feel like he has so much depending on him, and we talked about it a bit, but I think it would probably be a very good thing to talk about more.

[And I sound so calm and rational as I talk about it, but really I am so very very very worried about him. I think he is quietly falling apart inside, and I am the only one, including him, who has noticed.]
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:48 pm (UTC)
Re: worried about my partner
I'm so sorry to read this. What supports outside of your family do each of you have? Can you get more? I hope the stressful times pass quickly and with a minimum of pain and angst.
Re: worried about my partner - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: worried about my partner - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:06 am (UTC)
Acting on crushes
So I get crushes sometimes, and like someone said earlier, they tend to fade without being acted on. I've come to realize that one of the reasons I don't act on them is that I'm afraid of being creepy or hurtful. In case they're not going to be comfortable with me having a crush on them, I shouldn't tell them, and don't. This seems like a bad solution, like, what if everybody did this, but I can't think of what the right one should be.

So long as I accept that there will be people who wouldn't be comfortable with me having, or expressing, a crush on them, and that they might be people who I do have a crush on, what is the best thing to do? Is there something I need to be looking for so I can be certain my feelings are ok to have and express? Do I in fact need to keep them to myself? Do I accept that it's OK to hurt people over this? Or is there some other way of dealing with this?
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:22 am (UTC)
Re: Acting on crushes
It's not creepy if you forthrightly tell someone you have a crush on them and ask directly how they feel, do not have or communicate expectations about how they should reciprocate, and can take a "no" or "maybe" or "I don't know" calmly without making it their problem.

Sometimes the context can make it possibly creepy for you to do that. If you're their family member, teacher, they're in a monogamous relationship... I can't give you an exhaustive list but this is probably something you can figure out well enough to at least know some of the cases where it's not like that.

Some people wouldn't be comfortable with you having a crush on them even if there's no societally clear reason that you shouldn't express one. As long as you're direct and open about it when you first say it, and don't push if they don't encourage you, that's okay. It's not creepy, it's just unfortunate but a normal part of life.

IF you can learn better how to flirt, that opens up some easier ways to probe gently to find out whether someone is open to you expressing a crush. If you get very good at flirting (which includes reading the other person's flirting or response) you can avoid expressing a crush to someone who wouldn't be comfortable with it, more of the time. And you can even sometimes find out whether someone on whom it would usually be creepy by default to express a crush on, may actually be an exception and want you to. Getting good at flirting takes practice.

But it's not necessary. You can make do without being good at flirting. You can still identify plenty of people to whom it is okay to express a crush without knowing whether they want you to, and you can still do so in a way that is not creepy. And most of the time it will be taken well even if they don't feel similarly.
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Acting on crushes - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:10 am (UTC)
wish list
I really want one of these:

http://www.sheboptheshop.com/index.php?product=fun0028&c=4

in red (link is sex toy store and therefore probably NSFW).

But I haven't had any reason to use my harness in many years, so I feel as though I shouldn't buy it. Even if I think that this year might be my year.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:15 am (UTC)
Re: wish list
::raises hand frantically to volunteer::
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: wish list - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 09:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:18 am (UTC)
I fear this winter is slowly shredding all of us. I feel like everyone I love is falling apart, and all our connections to each other are getting strained in ways that don't even make sense if we look at them rationally. I keep trying to think of ways we can all support each other: the emotional and the practical. I like to think its something I once did well, but it seems like that has frozen shut and been buried under snow and the threat of collapsing roofs.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:15 am (UTC)
I think people are still trying to get out and help each other, but we just don't have a lot of spare cope to share. It really is hard.

That's why I keep talking about it and how hard it is, because we're all so strained and shredded and falling apart, and at least we can know it's not like an personal character defect, we're just DONE.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:18 am (UTC)
Today my baby would have been three years old.
Today my baby would have been three years old.

I'm currently struggling with infertility, which some folks know about but others do not, because I don't feel I could make it public - too many "helpful" people giving "advice".

Trust me, if you thought of it or read about it, so did I - I've been struggling with infertility for months...so yeah, I've gotten myself and my partner tested and everything's supposedly fine, no PCOS, monthly cycles of 27.5 days you can set your clock by. This is not your problem to solve.....

We've tried progesterone creams, different positions, meditation, we don't have a ton of job/life stress, vitamins, no smoking/drinking/drugs/hot tubs, I've been eating like I was pregnant during the two weeks between conception and getting my period for so long...I miss tuna fish!

Yep, I've taken time off from the baby making, had a drink, that sort of thing. A break was nice, but I didn't "fall pregnant" magically.

No, taking a vacation didn't help - we went with another couple, and THEY got pregnant (they were trying, and I don't begrudge them). Copious amounts of sex at the right time (taking temperature and also using ovulation predictor kits and checking cervical mucous) doesn't help. Nor has Clomid, nor has anything else.....acupuncture, massage, you name it, we've tried it (IVF starts next month).

Every period since my miscarriage has felt like a loss, even the months we weren't trying. Every month we gather up the strength and say "this could be the month!" and every month, it's not the month!

It's difficult to watch my friends get pregnant without even trying for a year, without medical intervention. Together we have 12 nieces and nephews and the biggest problem anyone had was getting off birth control and having to wait a few months to regulate. I'm 36, he's 40, and even the doctors say nothing's wrong.

Adoption is a possibility (if IVF doesn't work)....but fuck you for thinking about that, because this isn't a problem you need to solve....that's EXACTLY the reason I can't be public with this, because all I really want....is a little love.

So yeah. Today, I mourn a loved one I never got to know, and live with the pain of being childless while trying to keep up hope for the future. And do it in semi-darkness, because every time I tell someone all I get is an ass-ton of advice.

What I'd love is for just ONE person to honestly say "wow, that must be really hard for you." and NOT try to solve my problem.

Of course, I've been dying for this community to do that for DECADES, so I don't know why I bother. Please, people, if someone is going through something rough, don't just immediately HELP them. It likely isn't actually helping. Ask if they want "support or solution". And if they don't want a solution, don't give them one.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 02:38 am (UTC)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old.
I'm so sorry for your loss, for all the ongoing losses. And so sorry so many people are not listening to what you actually want and need from them.
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 03:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 02:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - kimberlogic on February 24th, 2015 06:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 02:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Today my baby would have been three years old. - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 09:38 am (UTC) (Expand)