?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:33 pm (UTC)
rejection from community
So, a few year's back, I got rejected by a small portion of a community in which I enjoyed participating.

And I don't know why.

Yes, I COULD ask.

However, the person who rejected me is notorious for simply not answering - even asking about someone else gets looked at askance and slides you closer to the not welcome category.

I wish I knew what I did, so that if it's something I can change, I could, even if it DIDN'T get me back in that portion of the community.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:07 pm (UTC)
Re: rejection from community
This has happened often in my life, starting in high school with a "if you don't know what you did, I'm not going to tell you" from my cadre's queen bee. Since then, I've learned that it often isn't even about me, but I still say "fuck it" and move on.
Re: rejection from community - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 10:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: rejection from community - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 09:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 09:58 pm (UTC)
stuck in my own headspace (high woo factor)
At some point, for a goal I'm pursuing, I need to learn how to get out of my own head and let Someone else in.

I'm terrified I'll not be able to do it.

Yes, I have teachers who have been through this before.

Doesn't make it any less scary.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:46 pm (UTC)
Re: stuck in my own headspace (high woo factor)
Something to try: Think about watching the interaction between Someone and "you" -- while shifting your sense of identity to the observer, not the "you". Just for a bit.
Re: stuck in my own headspace (high woo factor) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: stuck in my own headspace (high woo factor) - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 06:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:12 pm (UTC)
A few years back I was dealing with something pretty heavy. I was sort of maintaining a good face of it and then something else happened that affected me strongly during the same time and I was just done. It was obvious to the people close to me but, I was still doing my best to put on a brave face. According to their description I was glassy-eyed and, quite frankly, not fooling anyone. Most of the time I present as a cool, got it together person that isn't affected by anything. I've dealt with things in my life that have been hard and kept it together. The error mode I had, and some others have, is that you begin to believe in some way that you won't and can't be affected by anything.
This is incorrect.
Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone has only so much cope in their life. At some point in everyone's life, they hit E on their cope-o-meter and have to say "hey, I seriously can't deal with this on my own anymore and I need help", and there's nothing wrong with that no matter what society tells you. I wish everybody had someone, or several someones, as their cope safety net. If you're one of the fortunate people that do, don't keep stuff to yourself. You're not doing yourself, or loved ones any favors by keeping everything inside.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:13 pm (UTC)
My Favorite Sex Location
It's been a number of years, but I think my favorite place I'd ever had sex was in the racquetball court of a soon-to-be-torn-down gymnasium. I'd found a unlocked window on the ground floor and we sneaked our way inside. It was pitch dark in the court and our moans and cries made wonderful echoes around us. I just wish I'd brought more pillows or worn kneepads. Racquetball courts are rough on the knees.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:58 pm (UTC)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location
My favorite sex location was in a library. The necessity of keeping our voices muffled was just incredibly hot.
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 04:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 09:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 02:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on March 4th, 2015 06:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: My Favorite Sex Location - (Anonymous) on March 4th, 2015 07:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:21 pm (UTC)
As the passing young beauties I scan
I enjoy them as much as I can.
But I never will stare
Or say "Well, hel-LO there!":
I'm a quietly dirty old man.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:30 pm (UTC)
Enjoying the scenery
Sorry, I forgot to put a subject line on the limerick, and there's no editing one's own anon comments.
YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Solve for X - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: YUCK - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 22nd, 2015 04:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 22nd, 2015 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:43 pm (UTC)
My husband is out there shoveling off a roof I asked him about after the first storm. We have had three more storms, or is it four, since then and the more I said the less he would consider doing it. I can only help so much because of back and shoulder problems, and I am worried he will give himself a heart attack. I think he regrets procrastinating now and I don't feel good at all about the "I told you so" racing around my brain.

At least this is the only roof we have that really needed to have the snow cleared from it. And it's not a big roof.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:48 am (UTC)
I was shoveling a roof a couple of weeks ago and I fell off.

I was "fine" in the sense that I wasn't injured in the kind of ways that might have required an ambulance, but... two weeks on and I'm wondering if chronic back and shoulder pain will be my new normal. (And neck: I seem to have whiplash symptoms.)

Needless to say, I understand your husband's reluctance.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 10:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:50 pm (UTC)
Whiplash of the very best kind
I started this year thinking that if things didn't radically change, 2015 was very possibly going to be the year I had to ask my long term partner to move out.

And now... Just a month later, a massive tectonic life-shift has caused everything has to change for the better, and so 2015 is turning into the year everything got awesome.

(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Whiplash of the very best kind
That is really exciting! I'm happy for you. :)
Re: Whiplash of the very best kind - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 01:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Whiplash of the very best kind - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Whiplash of the very best kind - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Whiplash of the very best kind - (Anonymous) on February 28th, 2015 02:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:57 pm (UTC)
Unattractive
Since I lost my partner and I'm back in the dating world, I've become aware that I'm as far from a hot commodity as you can get. I'm fat, out of shape, and over 40. But more important than these superficial facts, I'm situationally attractive: I have a complicated home life, I have kids at home, I'm stupidly busy, I live in bumfuck, and similar shit that's out of my control. To top it off, I've always been a hard person to love: I'm missing a few key social skills, I have some very sharp and poky edges. And right now I'm filled with rage and grief and desperation that I'm sure leak out around my confident, poised facade.

My tentative forays into dating have made it quite clear that I'm on no ones wish list ever (and to be fair, if I weren't me, I probably wouldn't be on mine either).

All this makes it pretty much impossible to find a partner, but doesn't diminish at all my longing to be touched, to,love and be loved, to have some one at my side and who has my back.

I'm usually a pretty unflappably confident person but this is shaking even me.

(Yeah, not very anonymous, oh well.)

Captcha: I'm yours. Yeah, fuck you, captcha
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Unattractive
As a person who shares very little of your situation but the sharp and poky edges: keep trying. But keep your standards and don't settle for someone who'll treat you like shit. Being alone is better than being with someone like that. (And if you knew me, you'd know how strong a statement that is, coming from me.)
Re: Unattractive - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 01:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Unattractive - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 04:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Unattractive - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 07:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:23 pm (UTC)
For the first time in my life, I have enough romantic partners. I still lust after yet more women and wish we could be FWB, and I wouldn't turn down an invitation to an orgy, but my capacity for caring and attention and focus necessary to a healthy full blown relationship has just been maxed out. I never thought I would have the opportunity to be poly-saturated.

Now I finally get to find out whether happiness actually lies in this direction for me...
(Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 05:49 pm (UTC)
Embracing casual sexual relationships has been fantastic for me. The group I mostly hang with these days doesn't treat it like the taboo that other groups seem to. I am able to have caring and even loving friendships without the same expectation of support or availability that come from dating but I gett the chance to explore new kinds of sex and new types of play as a result.

It might not be for everyone and I don't sleep with all my friends or sleep with them every time I see them but having the option open lets me focus my energies on the things I want to without feeling like I am missing out. YMMV.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:07 am (UTC)
For the first time in my life, I have enough romantic partners. I still lust after yet more women and wish we could be FWB, and I wouldn't turn down an invitation to an orgy, but my capacity for caring and attention and focus necessary to a healthy full blown relationship has just been maxed out. I never thought I would have the opportunity to be poly-saturated.

Now I finally get to find out whether happiness actually lies in this direction for me...
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 12:37 am (UTC)
no means no
I've been trying to think of what to say about this for almost a year now, and this might be a place to do it. I don't want to put blame anywhere but I do want to raise awareness.

Last year, at one of this communities' popular social events where many families are in attendance, I witnessed a local father horsing around and playing with some of the other young kids. Everybody looked to be having fun.

Later on, two of the girls approached him with a request to play some more, but he declined. The girls immediately started pouting "awwwwwww pleeeeeeeese!" and then each grabbed one of his arms and started trying to physically drag him back to the play area. When I saw that he looked very uncomfortable, I stepped in and reminded them that he had said no, and they reluctantly let go.

I don't fault the girls for being kids, but I was a little bothered that the dozens of other adults in sight and hearing distance, including the girls' parents, said and did nothing while this happened.

This is a community that prides itself on enthusiastic consent, that no means no, to check with people before touching them. We talk about teaching body ownership to /toddlers/. Teaching children that their boundaries need to be respected starts with teaching /them/ to respect /everybody's/ boundaries, including people who are bigger and stronger and older than they are.

I hope it was just a one-time thing. I hope it was just 30 off seconds where attentions were diverted, and if they hadn't been, that lesson would have been gently reinforced from the parent or people who knew the kids better. I hope that people are already actively teaching that the big and strong deserve to have their "no"s respected just as much as the small and meek do, and nobody should need to physically push someone off in order to be taken seriously. I hope everybody who preaches about consent keeps this incident in mind and tries just a little bit harder. I know I will.


(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:23 pm (UTC)
Re: no means no
I saw that (or, well, something fitting that description) and didn't feel comfortable stepping in, since I don't think I have any kind of parental authority over random kids. It made me uneasy too.
Re: no means no - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: no means no - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: no means no - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 01:21 am (UTC)
Fluctuating attractiveness
My husband recently started dating someone else, and frankly, it has saved our marriage. But I have some difficulty holding a conversation with her at times, because she frequently talks about how beautiful and thin she is. We share clothing on a regular basis and we've both modeled professionally, so I know she's not trying to tell me anything in particular, but there have been moments when I've struggled to maintain my own self-confidence. It doesn't help that having a baby made me feel invisible to begin with. I also recently started something new with someone who says I'm beautiful - and my husband tells me nearly every time I ask him to - but having my husband dating a Cute Young Thing reminds me of how short my window was. I was an ugly duckling, then I was a CYT, then I was intimidating, then I was a mom.

It's silly and shallow and I know I am far more important and interesting than my appearance. In fact, I've discovered (to my intense pleasure) that I'm apparently a pretty formidable person. But there's a part of me that wishes I could've held onto a consistent feeling of "I'm attractive" that lasted longer.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 06:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Fluctuating attractiveness
This sounds really hard and thorny, and I'm sorry. What I don't understand from your letter is what makes you not feel attractive now? It sounds like you have good self-confidence, and partners who appreciate you, and if you're still sharing clothing with someone who's a professional model, my first guess would be that your body didn't change so dramatically during pregnancy that it feels unrecognizable to you.

I wish for everyone to have an innate feeling of attractiveness that they are able to hold onto. I'm not sure what it is that makes some people have it and some not, or what makes some people lose it. I hope that you're able to regain a sense. Even if you're not a CYT, you can still be devastatingly attractive. I hope you can find things that make youI feel that way.
Re: Fluctuating attractiveness - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 08:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 01:27 am (UTC)
fear
I wish I didn't spend pretty much every moment afraid.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 02:56 am (UTC)
Being an old perv in a safe way
The limerick above and its comments triggers some things that have been swirling in my head for years.

I'm white,heterosexual, cis-male, middle-aged, and live a decidedly middle-class existence. I make a decent effort at being aware of the privilege inherent in who I am and my place in the world. I try to be aware that There are people of other genders who are victimized by people of my social standing every day of their lives. It's likely that I am guilty of that, myself, from time to time, or perhaps even more frequently than that. My mind is constantly plagued with thoughts of what the possible impact of my actions are on others. I see someone of a less-privileged gender and my brain whirls "Is it ok to smile? Is this situation appropriate to say hello? Can I be pleasant without flirting? Keep looking at her forehead. Say thank you. Don't joke. Be professional. She's not there for your pleasure. Don't be that guy. Don't be an asshole..." on and on. You can probably surmise that I'm ADD.

I can control my actions. I can't control my mind, though.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:51 am (UTC)
Re: Being an old perv in a safe way
Your thoughts are none of my (cis chick, possibly attractive enough) damn business. Think all the limericks you like. I just don't want to hear them, read them, or otherwise have them extruded into my reality.

Nota bene, I think it's fine to be an asshole in the confessional. And I think it's fine for people to object to it here, too. Speaking out for everyone!
Re: Being an old perv in a safe way - (Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 02:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Being an old perv in a safe way - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 03:37 am (UTC)
I don't have a friendship with my ex, despite a friendly breakup and both of us wanting to remain close. Why? I cut them off because I am insanely jealous of them. Their new relationship is everything I wanted my relationship with them to be, but wasn't. I wanted to be out. I wanted to be prioritized. I didn't want to visit at someone else's whim. I wanted to be kinky regularly. I wanted to go on vacations. I wanted to have space in their house. I wanted to share my life more with them.

I reluctantly ended the relationship because they couldn't give me those things. They changed their life around completely, and now have everything I craved, and I don't. I don't want them back, I just want what they have. I so want to be happy for them, and all I can feel is bitterness and jealousy.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 04:54 am (UTC)
Oh, wow. I'm like you in the first paragraph, and I can only imagine how insanely furious and jealous the situation you describe would make me. I am so sorry this is happening for you.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)