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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 11:29 pm (UTC)
Okcupid date report
There have been several threads and comments in this year's confessional on dating and whatnot and as it happens I just got back from a first date. Normally I'm very outgoing on a first date, offering up plenty of information about myself and asking lots of questions about him. But the discussion here prompted me to take a different approach...although still chatty and inquisitive I offered up very little about myself to see if he'd ask. We spent 90 minutes engaged in active conversation and he did not ask me a single question about myself. I now know all about his volunteer job, his plans to go back to school, his favorite drink, where he went to college and what he majored in, how he takes his coffee, who his best friends are, and a broad overview of his job history. He knows almost nothing about me that wasn't in my profile and the initial email exchange.

It's very strange. Because I'm so outgoing, I've never noticed this "question asking" pattern before. I'm not sure what to make of it. He was much more questiony in email. I wonder if this trait really does correspond to negative relationship experience? Or if some guys are just nervous or careful on a first date.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:36 am (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
I have had interactions with friends & acquaintances where I'm the asker and never the askee. It can really frustrate me and make me feel like my so-called friend doesn't give a shit about me. I have talked about this with my partner, and his response was, "I tend to not ask about others and wait for them to share what's going on with me because I don't want to come off as prying." I had never really thought about it from that perspective.
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 09:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Okcupid date report - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:23 am (UTC)
climate change
I don't talk about it much, but climate change scares me enough to keep me awake some nights and to make me nauseated when I read articles about it. In the worst moments, I fear that perhaps my child will grow up to inherit a post-civilization, Mad Max-style world. What can I do? I sign petitions, contact my legislators, use public transportation when I can, don't eat meat, recycle assiduously. But it feels useless in the face of Big Oil, the Koch Brothers, climate deniers in Congress, and the rapidly-warming Arctic. And I'm so, so angry about it all.
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Re: climate change - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:59 am (UTC)
squeezed
This winter is sucking my spirit.

I love the snow, I love the drama of the huge snow mountains, I even love shoveling (admittedly because I don't have to do much of it). But the cold means that I'm stuck indoors with my toddler who is unwilling to wear mittens. And being stuck inside means that the isn't sleeping well, which in turn means that I don't get time to work. My work is my life force; when I don't get that creative outlet on a regular basis, I become an unfulfilled, unpleasant person.

I hate that I'm unpleasant, but that's a vicious cycle: being disappointed in myself makes me crankier and I take it out on the people around me.

Is it spring yet???
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:10 am (UTC)
Re: squeezed
Is it spring yet???

No ... there is only a pine tree, three pebbles, some dry grass, an old worm asleep on a tree stump, and a lizard who was chasing his tail.
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 05:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: squeezed - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 07:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:10 am (UTC)
My dear
I am so in love with you. Your physical charms are, well, charming, and your intelligence and artistic talent and engagement light fires in all my secret places. Your warm heart, your humor, your almost magical kindness -- you are such a special person.

The way you touch my face when we drift off together after sex. Your eager need to share deep experiences with me. The way I trust that if I call, you will come for me. Sharing with you all of me. I'm so in love with you. I'm so in love with you. I love you I love you I love you.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:37 am (UTC)
There's a party I go to where nearly everyone is super flirty/cuddly/kissy with each other except me. The hosts and guests are people I enjoy talking with and spending time with but, I really feel like the physical affection designated driver at their events. I know no one owes me their attention or affection. Most times I'm cool with just chatting with people. I've pretty much been the person no one pays attention to or quickly drops conversations with to go flirt/snuggle with someone else my whole life. I thought this social circle would be different or that if I tried to be more outgoing/social this would change. I guess I was wrong and that's deeply disappointing. I'm not asking anyone to fix this for me, it's just that I'd like to feel wanted, shiny, cute, etc. enough or at all for someone to be affectionate with me.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:00 pm (UTC)
I don't know you, or which parties you refer to, but I have observed people at parties I attend who could have written this, and while it's true that some people are more innately popular than others, I ALSO she people opt themselves out of the kissing and cuddling, whether out of shyness or the belief that no one would like to kiss or cuddle them.

So I ask: are there ways you're contributing to this?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 12:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 06:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:55 am (UTC)
Risk
I hate that the only way to have a healthy relationship is to constantly be ready to lose it. If I'm ready to give it up, how can I ever trust or open up or enjoy it? If the relationship is worth having, how can I be ready to give it up?

Hope hurts too much. I don't know how the rest of you can stand it.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:04 am (UTC)
Re: Risk
Honestly, and this is super morbid so I never say it in real life, I am always ready to lose everything because life is so terribly fragile. I literally do not know what or who I will still have tomorrow, so the only thing for me is to let go and love what is happening right now.
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Risk - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 09:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:22 am (UTC)
My life is shiny from the outside. From in here it's like a seamless, mirrored sphere, and I'm running out of oxygen.

I have a thousand nice chewy metaphors, but it's all to say that I'm drowning. I'm drowning. I'm drowning here. I'm drowning.

...Is it sick that I'm proud that no one can tell?
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:35 am (UTC)
Well, no, it's not sick. It means you're very strong and good at holding it together. And the fact that you're proud means that you have people who love you who you think are close and smart enough to notice and care, that you're a bit surprised haven't cottoned on to how you feel yet. That means to me that you are very well set up to get help. Which it sounds like you truly need to do.

You do not need to be drowning.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:07 am (UTC)
Finding myself super irritated with everyone who assumed that the limerick was about a man ogling WOMEN. The limerick says "beauties". That's it. There are plenty of male beauties.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:17 pm (UTC)
Does anyone actually call men "beauties," though? I mean, a "vixen" isn't a man or a woman, either, but really.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:58 am (UTC)
Potluck Etiquette
Say I want to go to something, a party or gathering. At the last minute, I recheck the invitation and notice that it is actually a potluck. I don't have a big dish prepared. If it were your potluck (or even if you're a guest with a strong opinion, I suppose), what would you rather I do?
a. not go at all
b. show up empty handed
c. show up with a lame store bought item, drink or bread or chips grabbed on the way over
d. show up really late by baking a cake or something before heading over
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Potluck Etiquette
C
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - aroraborealis on February 23rd, 2015 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - aroraborealis on February 23rd, 2015 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 02:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Potluck Etiquette - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:15 pm (UTC)
Self-censoring here
Sitting here attempting to write an anonymous comment is exhausting, like a rough round of therapy. I spent hours on it last night and posted nothing. Wrote a huge amount, examined each line, imagined all the objections and counterarguments and offense given, edited, deleted, tried again, and finally fucking gave up. If I can't say it in public or to the relevant parties directly, odds are I can't say a damned thing here without things being at least as bad.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Self-censoring here
I hear you. Me too.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 12:39 pm (UTC)
Last year a woman posted in the space about wanting to be fisted by a man. I responded and went so far as to set up an throw-away email address. We exchanged a couple of mails, but then she went away.

Le sigh. I was really hoping to pick that fruit.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:56 pm (UTC)
fisting
life got lifey, and then I was embarrassed about the amount of time that had passed. My situation is different, but the desire remains, and I still think fondly of the idea. want to exchange a few more emails and see if 2015 turns out to be a year more suited for this?

I've been trying to think of a sentence that says that I understand if my going away made the idea more attractive theoretically than actually, but all of them sound awkward, so this one will have to do.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:18 pm (UTC)
<lj user="dietrich">
Creative. Free-spirited. Statuesque. Amazonian beauty. She likely sees me as just a friend, but I still find her hot.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:04 pm (UTC)
I want to enjoy casual sex
… but when the opportunity comes up, it never seems like the thing that I most want.

I think partly because of all the effort I imagine will be involved in making sure that it's really what we both want, really really; and partly because the emotional connection is what makes sex with someone else more fun than getting myself off alone (which I enjoy just fine).

I imagine drugs could help with both parts of this, but I know a lot of my friends would look askance at a pairing that involved only having sex while not sober. For consent reasons that totally make sense. And I'm sure it would be possible to negotiate about that, but that just goes back to "all the effort in making sure it's really what we both want really really."

How does it work for those of you it does work for?
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:30 pm (UTC)
Re: I want to enjoy casual sex
> partly because the emotional connection is what makes sex with someone else more fun than getting myself off alone

I think that's only part of the truth. Is it the whole truth for you? For me there are other things that make it differently enjoyable.

Just the mere fact that it's someone else, not me, makes it a different experience. Like, you can't tickle yourself, you know? Even if you do to yourself exactly the same thing someone else would be doing, or as close to it as you can.

Interaction is its own joy. A conversation with a stranger is not at all like talking to myself. Sex is similar. They're not going to do exactly the same things I would do if I were in their place.

Finding someone sexy makes it hot. Their appearance, or their voice, or a thing they did, whatever it is that's sexy about them to me. Maybe I just saw them perform exceptionally on stage, and their playing/acting/signing/skill made me want them. Maybe I saw something they wrote.

Situations can be turn-ons. Sharing a sexy scenario in real life with someone who also finds it hot.

Emotional connection, yes, that's a big one. Emotional connections come in many flavors. Casual sex will never be the same as the sex I have with someone I share a deep long-lasting connection of trust and love and caring and knowing so much about each other. Yet there are emotional connections of other sorts, in differently-connected interactions, that also enhance sex or add their flavor to it. You can form an emotional rapport with someone very quickly, and even if you both intend it to be temporary, it's real while you have it.
Re: I want to enjoy casual sex - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:16 pm (UTC)
last minute potluck food
My favorite last-minute thing to bring to a potluck is oreos and milk. They're widely liked and available at almost anywhere that sells food.

My father used to bring pizza. Not pizza he'd made - a couple of standard delivery/take-out pies. He said everyone mocked him, but they also always ate the pizza.

(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:20 pm (UTC)
Re: last minute potluck food
I've usually been thrilled that a fresh pizza showed up at a potluck when it happened, because none of the many delicious things there were both substantial and hot. Go your dad!
Re: last minute potluck food - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: last minute potluck food - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: last minute potluck food - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: last minute potluck food - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC)
workday distractions
Whenever I'm wearing a bra/shirt combo that are slightly cleavage-y (usually at work, because my casual wear tends to the baggy and comfortable) I wind up spending time just looking at my own breasts and being pleased with them.

Also: it always makes me wish someone were burying their face between my breasts. Preferably someone with 5 o'clock shadow.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 06:26 pm (UTC)
Re: workday distractions
I love my breasts so much. I often find myself holding one of them with my free hand while I'm brushing my teeth :)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: workday distractions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:03 am (UTC) (Expand)