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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:34 pm (UTC)
Teaching sex & BDSM "basics"
I have found myself recently in more than one relationship with a person who has had more or less only vanilla sex for their whole lives, to the extent that they weren't even very interested in it. I have taught two different men about their prostates now, to pretty mindblowing results. I even taught one about his nipples (how do you miss them?! I know some men don't find their own nipples to be erogenous, but I can't fathom living a whole bunch of decades and never once even checking them out...). I'm starting to teach one about D/S power exchange stuff, all the way from scratch and it's amazing. I'm finding myself loving these naive adults more than I could have ever imagined (I include "adults" because in no case have these people been new to sex/dating/etc. Well past their 20s...). Part of it, I think, is that it turns out to be a pretty "easy" way to be the very best sex of someone's life. And to be told that doesn't feel bad in any way. Also the teaching is hot.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:08 am (UTC)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics"
Ooh. Yeah, that is pretty hot.

(Captcha: Absolute zero. Ahahahaha).
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 10:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Teaching sex & BDSM "basics" - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 02:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:25 pm (UTC)
There are a couple of friends I know, one who I've known for 10 years, in which if I give the word we would have intense passionate sex. But that requires asking my two partners. I consider myself grateful for their polyamorous generosity as is, so I don't dare push their comfort levels with regards to my crushes. So, I say nothing, and hence I do nothing.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:27 pm (UTC)
Ever wonder how many of these posts are done by the same person?
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 07:56 pm (UTC)
All of them. ;)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 02:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 04:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:13 pm (UTC)
I am a cis-woman and theoretically queer. There are at least a half dozen women with whom I'd happily jump into bed if I had any confidence at all in being able to get a woman off. My entire experience says I can! But the sample size is one.

I wish I were 10-15 years younger, so that admitting this to any of the actual people in question would be commensurate with age and more easily remedied. Or even just less complicated-in-my-head remedied.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:19 pm (UTC)
As another cis-woman, I never count on anyone reliably being able to get me off without guidance (and perseverance, actually). I think it's not at all unusual to have to do some constructive work to get there with a new partner, regardless of one's experience level.

I hope that helps reduce your anxiety about it!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 26th, 2015 10:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on March 4th, 2015 08:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:30 pm (UTC)
Introverted Implosion
I think minkrose is smart and attractive. However, I'm always afraid to talk to her since she has the same level of hesitation in approaching people as I do.
tickles, the angry lemurclara_girl on February 23rd, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC)
I just found this! This is neat to read. It's a peek into a community I'm tangentially a part of (or was, 5 years ago), reminders of where I've been and a perspective on where I am now.

I'm happy. Good stuff going on, and my life is a very different shape now than it was. I wonder where it'll be in another 5 years?

Thanks for the trip. Hm. My confession? I sometimes wish I could drop back in, attend more parties and be more part of a larger social scene, and I have no idea how to do that while keeping enough energy to keep the other parts of my life going.

So good job, folks who make that balance work!
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:23 am (UTC)
I'm sad that you're no longer in the area.

You were fun to kiss, and I regret that we didn't do more of it.
(no subject) - clara_girl on February 24th, 2015 12:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 08:59 pm (UTC)
sex without [one kind of] orgasm
I adore sex, and it feels great to me. I almost never have what science would call an orgasm, with the muscle spasms and/or ejaculation. I do have peaks and valleys of pleasure, intensity, and energy, which feel better and more all-encompassing to me than physical orgasms. So I call these peaks orgasms, and that's an accurate description of my experience, but I still feel like somehow I'm faking it because it's not the verifiable version of orgasm like the kind you see in porn or that people talk about with their friends.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:33 pm (UTC)
Re: sex without [one kind of] orgasm
Ohh, hm!

I'm a cis man, and I have regular orgasms with ejaculation but I also have lots of peaks of intensity (sometimes with ejaculation, sometimes without). Which usually read to me as orgasms, and sometimes not. I think they read as orgasms to my partners less often than they do to me-- which causes me some of that "am I faking it?" worry sometimes. More worried that I'll disappoint a partner eager to get me off in a particular way, really.

I've talked with a few women (and a few men) who describe their orgasms in similar terms-- having more than one type, one type being a peak of intensity that sometimes just feels like a peak of energy or emotion.

Sometimes I'm tempted to divide them up as "final" and "non-final" because the kind that (usually) don't have ejaculation are usually less intense and leave me immediately wanting more. Those aren't perfect divisions because sometimes the "non-final" kind come with a huge buildup, a huge peak, and an ejaculation; and sometimes the "final" kind leave me wanting more pretty soon anyway…

Sometimes I think of the "non-final" kind as "energy orgasms," though they can sometimes be plenty physical (they usually involve at least some contractions).

(Captcha: "ROLL OVER")
Re: sex without [one kind of] orgasm - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex without [one kind of] orgasm - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:00 pm (UTC)
Confessions
I hate having jobs, but all the skills I have for making a living with are job-type skills, so I think I'm going to be working pretty much until I die. I sometimes wish I could break away and support myself by writing or music or something, but I'm actually not at all good at those.

I resent it when people go on about the importance of finding work you love. I don't love work. I have been running for years on the need to keep the rent paid.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Confessions
Argh, I resent that too. It comes from a place of insane privilege, in my experience.

It's great to learn that, if you have the flexibility of life circumstance, it can pay off to search for work you love! Aligning your selves often feels really great.

It's also okay to decide to use a job to make ends meet while you're pursuing other life dreams. Or to pursue a job you don't love but which gives you perks you do (money, stability, status). Or to like your job pretty well, though not all encompassingly. Or to choose to not work a job, and instead find another way of making a go of it.

I like my job. I don't love it, but I enjoy most of the actual minutes well enough, and I take pride in what I've done here. But the whole "find work you love" thing bugs me because it assumes that (a) I have the financial/family/etc stability to GO on that search, and (b) that I must identify so deeply with What My Job Is that anything less than nirvana is somehow falling short.
Re: Confessions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Confessions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Confessions - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Confessions - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:26 pm (UTC)
sex merit badges
Which sexual merit badges did you earn this year? What did you do that you're proud of, or what good new thing happened to you?
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:32 pm (UTC)
Re: sex merit badges
I earned the "content alone" merit badge and the "exploring the boundaries of fantasies" merit badge.
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 09:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - vinnie_tesla on February 25th, 2015 01:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 12:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 03:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 11:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 11:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 11:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 12:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: sex merit badges - (Anonymous) on March 4th, 2015 08:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:19 pm (UTC)
2014 was the year that I apparently became the designated unicorn for multiple couples.

Dear 2015: more of this, please.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:44 pm (UTC)
I hope 2015 is everything you hope for... ;-)

(Hmm... my boyfriend and I would be happy to find yet more delightful unicorns to play with...)
Unicorn referral service - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Unicorn referral service - (Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aroraborealis on February 24th, 2015 04:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 10:40 pm (UTC)
Getting on four years now since you vanished out of my life with no notice. I can't really cast any aspersions since I've done it too (Batman voice: "So that's what that feels like"), but I'm still curious what the ever loving fuck happened.

...I guess I'll just continue being curious. With no malice or passive aggressiveness: I hope it was the right decision for you and you got out of it what you needed.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:44 pm (UTC)
Hmm. I really doubt you're the person I disappeared on, but I *did* disappear on someone four years ago, so...

It was definitely the right decision for me. I still think about you with both guilt and fondness, but we are not compatible in any capacity. I heard from someone recently that you're doing well; I hope that's still true.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:20 pm (UTC)
I would love to have a new set of woman's lips wrapped around my cock for about an hour tonight. I know this isn't going to happen, but it's divine to think about. Fingers in her hair, eyes locked on mine, her worshiping the heady, pungent aroma wafting up from my balls, slowly coaxing their offering into her hungry mouth.

My simple confession.
(Anonymous) on February 27th, 2015 12:18 pm (UTC)
This makes me wish that I were a woman or you were bi. I just love love love sucking cock.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on March 2nd, 2015 03:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:27 pm (UTC)
still giggling
I was blissfully entwined with a partner this weekend, and while they were riding me, they leaned down in whispered into my ear, "Hail Hydra."

I've been giggling about that since. Sex can be really hilarious.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:47 am (UTC)
Re: still giggling
That would get my partner kicked the FUCK out of my bed (while I was giggling hysterically, but OUT! NOT OK!)
Re: still giggling - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: still giggling - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:37 pm (UTC)
So I don't know if I am asking for advice exactly but maybe...

I get the kind of intense crushes where I can barely breathe in their presence on people of all genders. That is real. But I have never really been able to handle sex with anyone but cis men without just finding I can't. (Don't know how to describe it better. I hit a wall.) Occasionally in intense NRE there is a brief time before I hit that wall, but not long. (A long time ago I decided I just wasn't dating women any more, because I just hurt them too much.)

I know this is trauma related. I was horribly sexually abused by a woman for many years when I was a little girl. I want to get past this. I don't know how.

In the last year I have actually been able twice to feel really comfortable (in a group sex situation) being very sexual with a woman (actually the same woman... who is kind of made of utter awesomeness, but that's I guess a side note here...) because there was one or more men whom I utterly trusted also there.

But even that doesn't work always. And there have been similar situations recently where I still just hit the wall.

And I feel like I am still sexually colonized by the person who abused me, and I want that part of my sexuality back, but I don't know how to get it back or if it is even fully possible. (And I don't want to be too hard on people I love, or anyone, in the process either...)

(Not even sure what I am saying here. What I am asking. I really really really don't want to hurt anyone, and I'm very upfront about the trauma stuff, so I guess to some degree people have some outline of what they are potentially consenting to emotionally, but...)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:41 pm (UTC)
.
As someone who also experienced childhood sexual trauma and is impacted by it: I have so much sympathy for you, and I wish for you that you find a place of comfort and happiness, whatever that is for you.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 03:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:51 pm (UTC)
the big ex
I have a former partner whom I'd been with for many years. We had many friends, shared a lot of hobbies and experiences, and were generally considered awesome people. We broke up. It happens.

We aren't really friends anymore. We certainly don't talk anymore, outside of parties and events we both happen to be at. This is fine. I've moved on, despite missing our friendship.

The problem is our 130 mutual friends (according to Facebook). Many of them engage me in conversation about my former partner, and I think very few of them are aware how uncomfortable that makes me. I'm glad they are doing cool, noteworthy things, but I don't need to know about it. I don't want to know about it. Yet asking people to stop bringing them up sounds to me like I'm signaling that I'm not over it or something, and I don't know how to get people to understand that we aren't friends anymore.

I'm over it. Long over it. But part of getting over it was just walking away, and it feels like people keep trying to drag me back into that sphere.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 12:15 am (UTC)
Re: the big ex
Why is it a problem if people mistakenly think you aren't over your ex?
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 01:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 02:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 05:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: the big ex - (Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 04:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)