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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

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[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

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ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 03:39 pm (UTC)
can't opt out from loneliness
I always ask for a pat-down at the the airport. It's about privacy and protest, but also so that someone will touch me.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 03:43 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
I do it mainly out of protest, but also because it's the one part of the stupid fucking TSA bullshit that contains even an ounce of humanity. The pat-down is almost always done by a someone who is friendly and happy to chat for the 90 seconds the process takes.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 04:19 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
Thirded. I always find the pat-down strangely human and pleasant.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 05:26 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
Whenever I've requested a pat-down, the agent has been visibly nervous when they said they were going to touch my "underwear area" (or whatever it is they say). I've always felt very lucky and powerful to be able to say, "Yup, that's fine!" and obviously be actually okay with it.

(I doubt I would have been okay with it had they been any less nervous. I hate the TSA's power play bullshit and have been known to totally melt down when frisked by imperious concert security. But it's a rush to be able to be gracious in that situation.)
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 07:34 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness

Yes! The TSA process makes me very angry, but the pat-down is the least angry-making part of the whole thing.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:16 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
I've only had one of these "enhanced pat-downs," and the experience gave me what I can only assume was a panic attack (I've never had another). Shaking uncontrollably and hyperventilating and sobbing. It wasn't even the genital touching that did it, it was when the TSO touched my back and my arms. Like a nonconsensual massage -- so fucking intimate and awful. The whole gross power of the state was crawling on my skin and I couldn't escape.

Of course, because this happened in the internet age, some conservative asshole filmed the whole thing on his phone and put it on his blog as evidence of how Obama was ruining America, and the liberal assholes in his comments section left comments like "that fat bitch is overreacting" and "wow, if that's how she reacts to being touched, I bet she never gets laid." At the time I thought about commenting to say, 1) I'm pregnant 2) my sexual habits are my own business 3) I was sleep deprived and traveling for a funeral 4) I voted for Obama and 5) you're all horrible savages who ought to spend a good week drowning in self-loathing, but I decided my interests were better served by steering clear. So I did that. I have never told anybody but my husband about the incident, other than vague allusions to not liking to fly. It was many years ago but I'm still shaking in the memory as I type this.

I've avoided planes since then, but I'm likely to have to fly for work later this year and I'm seriously thinking about asking my doctor for some Xanax. I don't know how to broach that conversation, though. Can you just do that? Ask your doctor to prescribe a specific controlled substance? It's clear I need some better plan for handling this. It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society, as they say, but as a practical matter I can ill afford to freak out in front of my boss.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 10:26 am (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
You totally can just ask your doc for anti anxiety needs, though if you've never had a given one before, I'm not sure what sort of cautions they'll give you...

I'm sorry that was so bad for you, and oh my gods do I hate the tsa.
(Anonymous) on February 22nd, 2015 04:30 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
A good doctor will absolutely prescribe a small number of xanax because you are afraid of flying. If you don't want to get into the "the pat-down was traumatic" you can put it that way. They may want to ask you some questions to make sure this is situational, and they will only give you a couple of pills, but this is what better living through chemistry is for.

I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience in your pat-down -- panic attacks are awful. I hope you can get something to make this (terrible, invasive, currently unavoidable if you want to fly) experience less traumatic. Good luck
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 05:51 pm (UTC)
Re: can't opt out from loneliness
Also: look into the TSA Pre-Check process. You can pay money and prove your identity in a more sane way in advance and skip the check-in line entirely.