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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 03:53 pm (UTC)
I worry that having a partner who is rough around the edges socially and is hard for many people to get along with reflects poorly on me and may be losing me friendships or potential relationships.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 04:13 pm (UTC)
Me too. I also worry about being that partner.

On the bright side, the captcha for this was "you rock!" Yes, seriously. Maybe the world is trying to tell us to not worry so much about what other people think and just rock out with our awesome selves and partners.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 04:17 pm (UTC)
I have had a partner who was social awkward and who did lose me friends, but I wouldn't have traded a second of the joy for any of the people who wandered off.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 05:47 pm (UTC)
If the two of you are a mandatory social unit, it probably will be an issue. But I know plenty of people who've made that work by having separable social lives. Not entirely separate! Just separate enough that nobody ever feels as if they HAVE to like one just because they like the other.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:33 pm (UTC)
YES YES THIS, EXACTLY THIS. I didn't marry your partner; you did. Don't make me have to decide between having a friendship with both of you at once, all the time, forever... or having no friendship with you at all. Trust me, if I like your partner, I will make that friendship work too. But you are a separate human being. Please act like one.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:03 pm (UTC)
I hate to say this, but I have effectively cut several people out of my life for just this reason. As I get older, I have less and less patience for people who are, as you say, "rough around the edges" socially and end up seeing less and less of their SOs as a result.

That being said, it's not necessarily a value judgment on those SOs and their choice in partner.
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 06:22 pm (UTC)
I agree with this comment. It is 100% a-ok for someone to pursue things with a partner who I find difficult or unpleasant or even simply unrewarding to spend time with, and if they're happy, I'm happy for them! But that can't obligate me to spend my limited social time on/with people who aren't to my liking (and I frankly assume that no one would want me to do so).
(Anonymous) on February 20th, 2015 11:39 pm (UTC)
Yep. I've definitely reduced my involvement with friends because of their difficult SOs.

I do wonder if they know, but experience has taught me that letting them know doesn't really change anything.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 01:09 am (UTC)
Yah, I don't think telling them can do any good, unless the reasons you don't like the SO are that the SO is potentially harmful, but that's a different conversation.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 04:10 pm (UTC)
Can I just say that there is a surprising amount of SO-hate this year and suddenly I'm worried?
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:39 pm (UTC)
Yeah, me too.

(Captcha: "how are you")
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 06:38 pm (UTC)
that's not true for everyone. consider telling them if you think it is at all useful, even if it wouldn't change everything.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:54 pm (UTC)
I had one friend I talked about it with, at her instigation, because she was concerned about its effect on her social life. We agreed that I'd sometimes do things with both of them, but also sometimes just with her.

Then she proceeded to invite him to everything I invited her to, without further discussion. So that didn't work.
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 06:24 am (UTC)
Yeah now imagine you're my sister. :(

Try making plans with your other loved ones separate from your partner, and be explicit about when you're bringing them along?