?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:20 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
ok, i'm a het cis man, so my perspective isn't much help, but… how does that even work? how do they make conversation?
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 08:46 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
(not the OP)

They talk at you. Endlessly. They tell you about their job or the job they wish they had or their D&D character (which is usually the highlight, because I actually like D&D) or their feelings about politics or (god help you if it gets to this place) their feelings about The State of the World These Days.

I'm not being hubristic when I say: I am a remarkably brilliant woman. I once went out on a date with a guy who interrupted every comment I made about myself and my work in order to tell me about his Plan For Curing Cancer. He really wanted a second date. There was no second date.

(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 10:56 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
(OP) Exactly this. It always feels to me like code for "I don't see you as a person, but as an audience for my brilliance/insecurity/extroversion/whatever." It's SO GREAT to get clued into that right away, but it's SO DEPRESSING in its frequency.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:18 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
I think that's the reason for some men. But I think others are just a victim of the script they've been fed that the most important thing for a man to do on a first date is impress their partner with their status, coolness, and so on. So they go on and on about themselves in a nervous bid to impress.
(Anonymous) on February 21st, 2015 11:32 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
Nah, tho. This is just a variant on "I don't see you as a real person." It's a variant that sucks for both people instead of just one person, but it amounts to the same thing.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 04:03 pm (UTC)
Re: first date duds
Hum, that's an interesting point. I know I ask women about themselves on dates and want to hear about them. But, maybe the script is coming out in other ways in my dating, which is why I tend to have more luck with women that I'm really not excited about or after a bad breakup when I'm really not trying. Which is sad but another story. I should think about that some more. (Yes, I'm a CIS man.)