?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 01:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
THANK YOU.

Even if the motivation is kind, the end result is that the other person in the conversation has to carry the management of it while not getting to participate fully.

This matches perfectly the larger patterns of gender in heterosexual relationships where women are responsible for the logistical and emotional work of the relationship and men ride along not really ever having to show up in that way. It's not that men can't, or wouldn't want to, but that they're socialized without these skills so completely that they don't even notice that they're skills and not just the way things work, like relationship physics.

Society will be a LOT better off when we figure out how to parent boys who do the same kind of emotional and logistical caretaking and management as we train girls to do.
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 03:11 pm (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
I am a dad desperately trying to guide my pre-teen son in such a more positive direction of being emotionally-aware, boundary-aware, self-aware and it is a draining process. But I just read about the situation women around me have to deal with in the professional and personal scene with regard to men and I really don't want to have him contributing to the problem - if anything I hope he will be an example to friends, peers and later, colleagues.

I am far from a perfect example but I have so many women who are speaking out for what they want as an example for what to teach as de facto standard. So I keep trying myself and with my son.