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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
Yes! I grew up with this cultural expectation too. If you didn't start talking while someone else was still talking they would assume you had nothing to say (and eventually maybe wonder why you never said anything). I finally learned there is actually a term for it called negative pause time. I also finally learned to try very hard to slow down a lot and insert little gaps in what I was saying to leave openings for other people to speak. It's still really hard to remember though, and when I get very excited and enthusiastic about what I am saying I tend to forget.

(The most useful professional training I ever had actually was on pause time. Different cultures have different pause times, and the differences can be really subtle and easily leave one person feeling silenced and the other wishing they would say more. *Knowing* this has made it so much easier to communicate both professionally and in my personal life.)
(Anonymous) on February 23rd, 2015 11:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
Do you have a pointer to any good info about this?
(Anonymous) on February 24th, 2015 07:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Okcupid date report
I highly recommend Deborah Tannen's books.