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20 February 2015 @ 09:04 am
Confessional 2015  
Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you want to!

[Please note ground rules here.]

[Link to flat version of comments is here.]

A note on user experience: If you're starting a new thread, if you give it a subject, it'll be easier to pick out comments in response to it down the road.

ETA: IP logging is back on!
 
 
I'm feeling: curiouscurious
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: I know I'm not a bad parent, but...
It's just so hard.

I have worked with kids my whole adult life, and I am kind of known among folks I have worked with for never ever getting angry with kids pretty much no matter what. Professionally I see probably my greatest strength when working with kids (and families in general) as endless empathy and compassion.

Which is true.

For other people's children.

My own though, I feel like all my creativity and patience just runs right out of me and leaves me with nothing but ashes and frustration. Yes, they have special needs, pretty challenging ones at times, but so do so many of the kids I work with.

I am pretty much in a place of despair actually. I know the parent I could be. The parent I should be. The parent my children need and deserve.

And I just can't.

I could when they were younger, but the ages they are at now and how those ages interact make it so hard.

Some days I feel like I can barely keep them from screaming at each other all day and making a huge giant mess of the house with food and toys everywhere. Some days I can't manage even that.

So I let them play on the computer and watch videos way too much. And I try so hard to be emotionally present when they aren't absorbed by a screen, but even that is really hard these days
(Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 03:49 pm (UTC)
Re: I know I'm not a bad parent, but...
The confession I never make but always think about making in this post:
"My kids are approaching launch age. I'm supposed to feel sad but I absolutely cannot wait!"

I feel like every day that my kids go to bed with full bellies and without bruises I should get a fucking medal.

(Which for the record is every day so far. But some days only by the slimmest of margins.)
(Anonymous) on February 25th, 2015 03:52 pm (UTC)
Re: I know I'm not a bad parent, but...
I, too, absolutely cannot wait. I am planning so many awesome things with the extra time and cope I will have. My kid is awesome and I love them and I suspect I will miss them once it happens, but I want them GONE.