ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

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The whole time I was working at Harvard, I was really focussing my energy on other aspects of my life. I was really clear about that all along. It was a great job because the coworkers were fun, and interesting, and because the hours were flexible enough that I could live my life without a lot of interruption from my job. It was fabulous to have, after spending all my years before that in school, a job that I left at the office and really didn't think about again until I was back IN the office.

I thought this meant that I wasn't interested in building a career and that, for me, work was the facilitator to the rest of my life: ie, earning money so I could do the things I like to do, and the job not getting in the way in the meantime.

Now that I'm back in the space of actively looking at what I want to do next, I'm finding that I DO want a job that engages me. I don't want a job that takes over my life, but I don't want to just get a job that earns the money I want but doesn't SING to me. I want to use my brain and do something interesting. I really want to be doing something that feels like contributing to a solution rather than work for The Man.

But I don't know exactly what I want to do, how I want to do it, etc. And it's frustrating to feel totally uninterested in 99% of the jobs that I see out there. What I would dearly love would be to be able to separate the money issue from the work issue. If I were independently wealthy, my choices would be much simpler. (Or, more likely, the complicated choices would be in a different realm entirely, but I'm willing to give it a shot.)

Given that I'm unlikely to win a lottery any time soon, especially considering my two-tickets-a-year average, I should probably figure out where to go, and what to do, next. Part of me would love to settle back in Boston and reconnect with my community there. Another part of me just saw an interesting job in Mexico and thought, "Hey! More challenge! Let's do it!"

It seems pretty clear to me that I'm not ready to stop challenging myself in some fairly big ways, and I'm not sure if that means I need to stop thinking about Boston (or SF?) as my locale for the next year, or if I could satisfy my desire to push myself in the context of home and work in a familiar place.

I'm currently thinking about finding a short term housing option while doing a course on TEFL, which I could then apply to any number of jobs in Latin America (or many other places in the world), which would allow me to be settled for a few months and maybe do more thinking in the meantime. I'm afraid that would put me in my comfy rut, though, and that I would end up in the same place I was last year wondering how I'd gotten into such a comfy and yet strangely unsatisfying place.

There are so many places I'd like to go, and things I'd like to do, I hate feeling constrained by my finances. But in some ways, travelling to some of the places I'd like to go would make me less constrained by money, as cost of living in those places is much less than the US, and certainly Boston. And I could do a lot of things I'd like to do in those places...

But is that just putting off the inevitable necessity of finding a real job and acting like a grown up?

Perhaps I can find some other circles to wander around just to add some variety to my circular thinking.
Tags: change, job, thinky

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