ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

this thing

So. I do This Thing. We all have Things we do, I know, and this is one of mine:

I like myself. I'm confident that I'm a generally smart, friendly, likeable person who can make a good impression in almost any circumstance so long as I'm not completely overtired, and even then sometimes it works out. I have both close and casual friends (different sets, yes) with whom I've been friends for many years, which tells me that, despite my quirks and difficult personality traits, I'm a generally spiffy person and I don't have to pay or bribe anyone to hang out with me.

I still, however, sometimes worry about making a good impression, or, more specifically, a good follow-up impression. You know how at job interviews, you try to be charming and smart and show off how perfect you would be for the job? And then AFTER the interview, you go home, and you write a thank-you note that tries to emphasize AGAIN just how fabulous you are and how could the organization NOT hire you?

I often want to write that thank-you note to cool people I meet. Step one: be my friendly if somewhat shy self at first meeting, find out that the person I'm meeting is totally cool and definitely someone I'd like to hang out with more. Step two: turn into crazy friend-stalker from hell, find out everything about the person from a mutual friend, and then try to impress him/her with all the stuff we have in common, like a freakish post-interview thank-you note.

Now, I mostly don't do this, I just have the urge to do it. Yes, yes, I know that having things in common is no guarantee of a lifetime friendship, and, in fact, I usually enjoy more getting to know people who can expose me to new activities and people and such. And, really, I pretty much most of the time can rest secure in the knowledge that I'm not desperate for new friends, and this isn't grade school where I can trade an ice cream bar for a new friend (and that one didn't work out very well for me, either, but that's another story for another time). But there's always that temptation in the back of my mind. Heeey, that person's cool: How can I convince him/her that I'm cool, too?

Does this mean I'm well-adjusted because I can keep the urge under control, or a dangerous psychotic teetering on the edge of social self-destruction? Tune in next week to find out!

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