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ruthless compassion
21 January 2003 @ 09:36 am
Man. Talk about good sleeping weather last night! I didn't even have to open my window; with the heat turned off in my room, the drafty porch doors did the trick. I even added a couple of extra layers on top of my comforter, and I was snug as a bug in a rug. The only kicker was having to get out of bed this morning. BRRRR! What I need is a houseboy or girl who will come into my room at 6AM and turn on the radiator. That would be perfect.

I woke up this morning with this feeling of, "Huh. Is this my life? I've been waiting so long to be an adult, and here it is, and isn't there supposed to be more to it?" Somehow, I'm worried that I'll wake up in another 26 years still living in an apartment, working at a mediocre job, still partnered to people who are married to someone else... and the feeling that engenders was more dissatisfaction/anxiety than I would have expected, given that, as far as I know, I really AM happy with my life. It's just not what I want forever, and I see so many people around me getting married, buying houses, having kids... never mind that of those, only one is something I want, but there's something to be said for feeling really settled. I have such a transitory life, it seems like I could pick up and move to Alaska and it would just be a little ripple in the pond.

I dunno. Maybe I should make some major dramatic change to shake things up. I'm risk averse, and pretty comfortable in my current surroundings, and, it seems, that may be bogging me down.
 
 
I'm feeling: pensivepensive
I'm listening to: NIN
 
 
ruthless compassion
21 January 2003 @ 09:54 pm
It could be suggested that tonight, one of the coldest nights of the year, would be a good night to take the train home. I felt like walking, though, despite the cold and wind, and it was good, but my cold-induced hives made an appearance, and I ended up feeling a little nauseated toward the end. Stopped at TJ's to warm up and pick up dinner before walking the last couple of blocks home.

An hour after being home, I realized I was still huddled in the chair, shivering, so I heated some yummy chowder and got my microwavable heating pillow and my hat and my blanket. Half an hour later, Melissa came in to find me bundled up, and she had to laugh, since she, earlier in the day, had gone into my room to find something and found it FREEZING, of course :)

Now, I'm warm, and I hope the chill won't have let any bad germs in.

I've been in a prickly damn mood all day. I'm hoping a good night's sleep tonight will help.
 
 
I'm feeling: prickly