January 27th, 2003


middle o the night

I hate these "I'm-in-bed-but-not-sleeping, feeling grumpy" things. Most annoying. Right now I'm kinda doing that "what am I doing with my life" spiral, feeling like I'm pouring myself down the drain with nothing long-lasting, deeply-fulfilling, which is silly because day-to-day, I'm happy, I think. But apparently there's something not filling up.

I think a lot of it has to do with discontent at the job, and discontent with myself for not shaking it up and really buckling down to look for a new one. I let inertia roll me over and over, and it's true that the job isn't downright AWFUL, so it doesn't usually inspire me to run out and look for something new, except on those days when it IS awful.

Part of me wants to put everything I own in storage and run off to Guatemala or Peru and just be crazy for a few months. I admire Kristin for basically having done that. I think about all the stuff I'd have to do to get to that point: deal with STUFF -- storage, selling, etc, figure out apartmentstuff for my place in the current apartment, sort out relationships and what this would mean for them... and it just seems like it's not worth it to go traipsing off into the wilds only to come back here to a total unknown -- where to live, where to work, what to do with life -- pretty much the same problems I'm having now, but postponed.

On the other hand, maybe I could talk to Dan and see if he's inclined to do something like that. He would be a good companion for that kind of event, and he's not too settled. I could make him drive out here and get all my stuff, throw it in the back of his truck and run off for a few months. Crazy.

I'm not very good at stepping outside of myself and doing things that aren't "me", and I kinda feel like it's "me" that's the problem, so what I need to do is get out of that. Tough to figure out.


Recommendations for one or more of each of the following for me?

1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical recording
4. a website
5. an LJ user not currently on my friends list
6. something to do in the next six months
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