April 1st, 2003



Having decided, a few weeks ago, that Guatemala would be the place, I've spent the last month or so saying to myself, "Oh, I'll gather more information and decide on programs soon. Maybe I'll take some time tomorrow..." And I've woken up a few nights with nail-biting nerves thinking to myself, "Am I insane? Am I really going to go away from my friends and loves and the places I know and just dump myself in a foreign country where I hardly speak the language and don't know anyone?"

I knew that nerves and fear would be part of the process of making plans for this trip, and, in fact, that's part of the point. But knowing that abstractly and actually working through it are two very different things.

Today, I took the first step towards actively getting over the fear hurdle by deciding on three language programs to contact, and contacting them, for more information. This involved narrowing down the options (which are MANY!) and thinking more concretely about a) dates and b) location.

It feels good to be making progress, even if it IS difficult. *phew*
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    Control - Puddle of Mudd


improptu dim sum tonight

china pearl 7:15. call my cell (617) 835-9943 if you think you'll join, so I can include you in table count!
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I've been thinking a bit about names recently, and this evening, a bit more about pet names and endearments. I'm not much of a pet name type person, from the giving end, anyway. I'm perfectly happy for people to use pet names or endearments to refer to me :)

Anyway, I don't tend to use endearments, so I'm always a little surprised when they slip out. And the reason I'm thinking about this, of course, is that one slipped out tonight after dinner as I was saying good night to the Hawke clan, and I called Aubrey "honeypie", which Boudicca then picked up and called ME that. So I was doubly aware of having said it.

So I was thinking about endearments on the walk home, and about when I use them, and I realized that I only tend to use them, either in my thinking or, occassionally, in speech, in reference to nonverbal beings. Ie, pets and babies. I don't know why. And I feel like I should have some dramatic insight about this, now, but mostly I'm just left going, "huh. isn't that funny?"
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    amused amused