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ruthless compassion
30 January 2007 @ 12:03 am
Four years ago, almost to the day (as you can see here), and certainly to the season, after a couple of weeks of restlessness and discontent, I decided my life needed a dramatic change and that I was going to make it happen. From a morning's moment of, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" to a week's waffling on what shape the change would take, I moved to a couple of months of planning and then a few months of anticipating before venturing off into the wilds of Guatemala for a deeply life-changing, and me-changing experience.

I trace who I am today back to my time in Guatemala, but it's more appropriate to go all the way back to that day when I woke up and instead of staying antsy, I decided to do something that I always had wanted to do but never thought I would. That single moment is what changed me from being who I was to who I am, now, even if it's taken a while for some of that change to manifest itself.

I do feel like a different person in so many fundamental ways. Sometimes, I look back at my 25 year-old self and wonder how she's related to my 30 year-old self. That's overdramatic, but not entirely unfounded. We're related, but more distantly than some might expect. On the other hand, I'm feeling quite connected to her at the moment, because, in curious seasonal synchronicity, I feel myself at the trough of another big wave.

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