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ruthless compassion
11 April 2011 @ 01:57 pm
I've been in California for about a month now, and I've hardly posted about it. In some ways, I feel like I've hardly had time to do it, and in other ways, I've had so much time that it hasn't seemed necessary to put anything down in words.

Being here is a delight. Of course it mainly comes down to the people, as it always does. contessagrrl, sol3 and elvendoll have so completely welcomed me into their home as a temporary roommate that I've been calling the House of Trouble "home" basically since day 1. It has been such a treat to see them and other people out here in a more day-to-day way than I ever have before. Even so, there are plenty of people who I've only seen once or twice; there are a lot of fantastic people around here.

It has also driven home how completely I have a foot on the ground here, and one in Boston. I've been trying to "solve" that problem for years -- always toying with the idea of moving here, and somewhere in the back of my head aware that as soon as I move here, I'll switch from missing my SF people all the time to missing my Boston people all the time. This is true, and it's going to keep being true, and there's no fixing it.

Over the weekend, I had an important realization that not only is there no solution, but that perhaps this isn't actually a problem as such. I think I really like and value having a foot in both places, not just in terms of where I live, but in all sorts of ways in my life. I have occasionally thought -- sometimes with a certain amount of self-flagellation for not being a "good" career woman -- that I'm just not a person who has a clear career path. But it's true in a lot of ways that I'm a generalist. I really like variety, and I think this kind of split and balance is actually really important to my happiness and sense of self. That doesn't stop it also being frustrating and sometimes unsatisfying, but it doesn't make it wrong or bad, and so it might be a big favor to myself if I can stop feeling like I need to figure it out.

I still do need to figure out what I'm going to do for work, of course, but that feels like a more manageable project, suddenly. Know anyone who wants to hire me?
 
 
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