ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

bleh. bleh, I say!

I've been having a rough week or so on the job/life planning front. I had a eureka moment last week of realizing that I really don't want to get a job. I'm not excited about the sort of work that I know how to look for, and I can't think of a job that I would be really happy to start doing all the time. This explains the fact that I often have to kick myself to keep active in looking and applying for jobs, but I'm not really sure what to do about it.

I'm coming up on the end of my savings (in a few months), but I don't feel like money is my primary issue right now, as I figure that if/when I get desperate, there are always jobs out there that would pay the bills, even if they wouldn't be rewarding. And, in a pinch, I have less expensive options than living in the Boston area. And, and. But I do think that the fact that I'm seeing the deadline approaching is making me feel more immediate stress about it than I was earlier in the fall.

But the real struggle is that I look at job listings, and I don't see anything that makes me feel jazzed. There are organizations that I'd like to work with, but few positions that are exciting. Many of those that might be exciting want people with a master's degree. And, in fact, if I don't feel like I'm going to be rewarded by any job, should I just find one that will fill my time and forget about trying to find one that makes me at least somewhat happy/rewarded?

Part of the reason I ran away to Guatemala last year was that I just didn't know what I wanted to be doing. Now, I know what I want to be doing and I'm feeling daunted about getting there, and I'd kind of like to earn some money and be here (Boston) a little longer before going off and doing it (going to South America). But if I spend down my entire savings, I've kind of defeated the financial side of that, and if I'm just going to be glum about there not being jobs that are exciting to me, am I just wasting my time here and should just get going to South America or wherever my next stop will be?

And that brings me to feeling stymied about finding work in South America. I could go volunteer, and I may end up doing that, but my volunteering experience in Guatemala was imperfect, so I'm reluctant to make my plans around something that could be so hit or miss. And then there's my (no doubt funk-induced) despair regarding ever getting fluent enough in Spanish to be an actual translator/interpreter.

Current challenges, then, include:
How do I sell myself to jobs for which I'm, on paper, underqualified, but at which I would kick ass if I actually could get in the door?
Figure out how to get work in South America. Does anyone have any hints or suggestions regarding NGO work?
Does anyone know of stores that need a buyer to go to Central or South America and do purchasing for them? :)
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