ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

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Sleeping Weather

Man. Talk about good sleeping weather last night! I didn't even have to open my window; with the heat turned off in my room, the drafty porch doors did the trick. I even added a couple of extra layers on top of my comforter, and I was snug as a bug in a rug. The only kicker was having to get out of bed this morning. BRRRR! What I need is a houseboy or girl who will come into my room at 6AM and turn on the radiator. That would be perfect.

I woke up this morning with this feeling of, "Huh. Is this my life? I've been waiting so long to be an adult, and here it is, and isn't there supposed to be more to it?" Somehow, I'm worried that I'll wake up in another 26 years still living in an apartment, working at a mediocre job, still partnered to people who are married to someone else... and the feeling that engenders was more dissatisfaction/anxiety than I would have expected, given that, as far as I know, I really AM happy with my life. It's just not what I want forever, and I see so many people around me getting married, buying houses, having kids... never mind that of those, only one is something I want, but there's something to be said for feeling really settled. I have such a transitory life, it seems like I could pick up and move to Alaska and it would just be a little ripple in the pond.

I dunno. Maybe I should make some major dramatic change to shake things up. I'm risk averse, and pretty comfortable in my current surroundings, and, it seems, that may be bogging me down.
Tags: choices, insight, moods

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