The nice man at the Verizon store was very helpful and only snickered a couple of times when I asked such astute questions as, "So, I can both make and receive calls with this phone? That's so cool!" and "Wow, it even has a color screen?"
Now, I need to learn how to use my nifty new phone, which also happens to have a camera! Did you all know phones come with cameras installed now? Dude, that's so cool! I also have a month of free internet on the phone, which I used to look up my favorite sushi place near home and order dinner on my way home. Someday, I may even figure out how to post the pictures I take to this very livejournal. Perhaps even while I'm in Puerto Rico!
Speaking of Puerto Rico, just writing about my angst this morning helped, and now I'm feeling much more mellow about the whole thing. I mean, how bad can it be if my default plan is to sit on the beach and drink cocktails?