For about 15 minutes. And then I started to freak out. The plan was, after all, merely to apply for grad school! There was nothing in there about actually getting in. As proof of how much that wasn't part of the plan, I failed utterly to apply for financial aid, because, after all, why waste my time filling out a form that wouldn't be relevant? So, yeah, that was pretty incredibly stupid. But until someone invents a way to go back in time and beat up our earlier selves, we're stuck with the dumb choices we make, aren't we?
So, I spent the next week trying to absorb the shift in my mentality, adjust to the idea that, having gotten in, there was no way I was not going, and figure out how I'll pay for it. In good news, they didn't mock me when I called to ask if it was too late to apply for financial aid, and I'm waiting to hear back from them, any day, now.
It's interesting to me how I spent a lot of time telling myself that it would be okay if I didn't get in and thinking about things I might do instead, but I basically didn't consider the possibility that I would get in. I thought I was considering it; after all, I had applied and was excited about the programs. But the last couple of weeks of big mental gear-shifting have shown me that, no, I hadn't really been thinking about it as a serious possibility. But I am, now!
In fact, after carrying it around in my bag for two days, I dropped my enrollment form in the mail this afternoon.
And I'm slowly moving out of the phase of, "Holy shit, what was I thinking??" and into the phase of, "OMG, this program is going to rock my socks!" Allow me to gloat:
The Master of Public Policy (M.P.P.) is designed for individuals with at least seven years of significant, relevant professional experience who are interested in expanding their knowledge of public policy within urban, social, and environmental domains -- or across these domains, such as programs and policies related to sustainable communities.
Dude! Sustainable communities. That is so me. I can't wait.