ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

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After about a month of full-fledged life explosion, albeit on a relatively small scale, I pressed the "reset" button two weekends in a row, once by staying home and having some friends over (thanks, friends!) two weekends ago and once, this weekend, by fleeing the state and visiting kcatalyst and trom and young S and not doing a lick of work the whole time. It was great, and even though I was afraid I'd come back feeling guilty and terrified of the load of deadlines staring me down, I actually feel as I hoped I would: refreshed and refocused.

I'm actually not fully rebalanced, but I'm feeling okay about that. As I said to someone recently, one of the ways I know I'm depressed is that everything seems blah and even though I can intellectually appreciate what's great about my life, it has no emotional content. Right now, in contrast, my moods are mercurial and I'm unusually easily upset, but I feel the goodness of my life, even though I've spent a lot of the last month feeling stressed and sad and discombobulated. Buuut... that all actually feels, abstractly, good, because a lot of it is because I'm working on stuff, and the reason I'm not okay right now is because I'm going to be better later.

At least, that's my working theory.

But it still feels nice to have had a couple of really great, refreshing weekends and have a sense that maybe, just maybe, there's some earth down there under my feet.
Tags: life, school, travel, wifty

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