ruthless compassion (aroraborealis) wrote,
ruthless compassion

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guate and running away (or not)

In my recent longing for warmer weather, I've also found myself experiencing the deep nostalgia for Guatemala in general and Xela in particular that I get from time to time. It's nearly three years since I've been there, and though I've vaguely kept up on the news from the school by way of Claudia, my friend and former teacher, and who I see whenever I get to San Francisco, it's a far cry from being there. Mango season starts in a couple of weeks, and how much would I love to walk up to the market and buy myself a handful of Rosita mangoes (an actual variety) and sit on the crazy tall curb to eat them in the sunshine?

Maybe it's because I feel like so much is up in the air and the temptation to flee the country again is awfully strong. It worked so well last time as a way to change my life, and as a big project, it was great. Of course, a good argument could be made that grad school is certainly a great, big project, and there's a strong possibility that in a few years, I'll look back on it, too, as a life-changing event, if somewhat less dramatic. But that doesn't change my desire now to dash off to a more immediate and viscerally exotic locale.

Day to day things there were really hard. One of the things I remember when I got back to the US is going out to run errands and finding myself practicing the things I'd need to say for various interactions at the bank, post office and grocery store, before realizing that they would all be in English, and, you know, I didn't need to make sure before going in that I knew all the right words. It's a little weird to say I want things to be hard in that way for a while, in part because the ways things are actually hard for me these days are so very differently hard. But, really, I think it's just that running away right now sounds pretty nice.
Tags: change, grad school, guate, life, school

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