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30 September 2009 @ 02:31 pm
Preventing Sexual Assault: Tips Guaranteed To Work!  
Please distribute this list. Put it up in your place of work, in your university’s library or wherever you think they might be read:

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

Thanks to Feminist Law Professors!
I'm feeling: pissed offpissed off
Rowan: Romana shackledmzrowan on September 30th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
Ha! That's awesome. Reminds me of the "When did you first know you were heterosexual?" thing.
DancingWolfGrrl: fightin'dancingwolfgrrl on September 30th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
Top score!
Preraphaelitepreraphaelite on September 30th, 2009 07:35 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Kcatkcatalyst on September 30th, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
Dear NiN,

Here's a handy tip: try wearing a chastity belt when you're around other people. Make sure to leave the key at home! The kind with spikes on the inside might help you remember to concentrate on the grading!

Good luck,

Feminist Linguistics Professor
sabriel: babycatcher_sabriel_ on October 1st, 2009 04:02 am (UTC)
I hope everyone believes me when I say that I actually had a patient tell me that she got pregnant when she "fell" [not joking here] on her husband's penis.
I cannot make this shit up.
Kcatkcatalyst on October 1st, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)
Ow. That's not the usual result I'd expect from falling on a penis.
Cowgrrlcowgrrl on September 30th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
That's brilliant!