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08 April 2011 @ 11:22 am
pardon me while I flee my generous hosts  
In another forum, a friend asked for tips for introverts who will be visiting and staying with extraverts. I had a few ideas, and then another friend pointed out that there might also be a place for tips for extraverts staying with introverts.

I'm pretty evenly balanced between introversion and extraversion, from the perspective of energy levels and recharging time. And, of course, different people are differently energizing or draining for me. But this winds up with me needing some things on the introversion side, and others on the extraversion side, and I'm very curious to hear others' ideas or approaches on these fronts!

When I'm an introvert staying with extraverts:

Assuming I have my own room, I go to "bed" earlier than I need to for sleeping purposes, escaping to my room for some quiet time before going to sleep. Similarly, I don't get up immediately after waking up. I might also/instead, take "naps", which might just be time to myself away from the action. I also often go for a little walk alone -- especially pleasant in an interesting neighborhood.

If I don't have your own room, all of this is harder. I can use my laptop or a book as a virtual shield against the world sometimes, even if there's a lot happening around me. Assuming my hosts are good enough friends for me to say, "Hey, I just need a few minutes to myself," this is usually pretty manageable.

When I'm an extravert staying with introverts:

When possible, I find out how much social time with me my hosts want. If I want more social time than that, I'll look elsewhere for that -- do I have other friends in the area? are there meetups happening for any of my online communities? is there a good club or bar for me to check out?

I also really try to make it explicit that I'm not expecting my hosts to "entertain" me (unless I am, in which case, we've probably had some direct conversations about the whole situation anyway) and invite them to let me know if they need more space from me, or to feel free to escape to their own rooms if they need down time, rather than feel obligated to be "on" in host-mode the whole time I'm there.

How do you handle introversion and extraversion as a guest?
I'm feeling: sleepyrestful
metagnatmetagnat on April 8th, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC)
From the introvert side of things: I totally do the going to bed early thing and the hiding behind my computer thing. I sometimes do the walk thing, though that works better some places than others, for various reasons. I try to make sure I get one-on-one visiting time with my hosts as I can deal a lot better with one-on-one time than with big group time.

The trap I fall into is, if I can't go to bed early for whatever reason, and there is a big group situation that I'm facing, I become less and less able to ask for what I need coherently, or even to realize what I need. Those are the points when I am in danger of being a total snappish asshole and/or shutting down and losing it.

Also, when I'm not getting enough alone time, sometimes that recovery winds up coming out of my sleep time, which can also produce the falling-to-pieces effect.

When hosting extroverts - I let them run their own social show. I don't go with them everywhere, but I am usually pulled out of my social comfort zone to some degree, which is totally okay. It's much easier to manage than being away from home is.
veek on April 8th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
In pretty much the same ways you do, actually; I've had a mental image of myself as more introverted than you, but now that I'm thinking about it, that might not be true.

One thing I've found: a request to take a nap works particularly well for when I *don't* have a room of my own, because a host is likely to let me nap in their bedroom or another secluded space. I grew up doing that, at my mom's occasional suggestion, at family friends' homes -- even if we weren't staying overnight but were just there for an evening.
Mizarchivist: Hell's Librarianmizarchivist on April 8th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
I'd not really thought of it that definitively, particularly since I've not been on too many extended visits that weren't at my parents' house. However, I do find spending some time in a coffee shop writing or reading (or both) is very refreshing.
Your notions are ones I'm likely to gravitate to on my own, though. I am usually quite disinclined to have someone entertain me and I don' t like to over-exhaust self or hosts.
born from jets!!!catness on April 8th, 2011 11:42 pm (UTC)
I try, as a host and a guest, and also as one who is intro/extraverted, to always make sure there is a door available between each party for whenever one is needed. :)